Everyone gets that, right? (I only had to ask every day for two years)

“You can tell Obama’s endorsement meant a lot to Biden. Right after, he was like, ‘I know you guys really love me because I only had to ask every day for two years.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I like how Obama endorsed Biden now. That’s like waiting until there’s one second left in the Super Bowl and saying ‘OK, I’m rooting for the Chiefs, just for the record.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Normally when a billionaire flies away faster than the speed of sound, it’s because they just got linked to Jeffrey Epstein (go back to brunch)

People are now saying that Hillary Clinton has narrowed her list of potential vice presidents down to five people. I’m sorry, she’s “deleted” the list down to five people. –Jimmy Fallon

“Actually, I got a little choked up watching Richard Branson’s flight. It always warms my heart to see billionaires achieve their dreams. I was happy for him, though. Normally when a billionaire flies away faster than the speed of sound, it’s because they just got linked to Jeffrey Epstein.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In fact, as we speak, that quote's being engraved on the wall of the Bush presidential library (That was one crazy weekend, man)

In China, for the first time ever, a robot performed dental surgery without human assistance. Everyone was excited until they remembered that the robot was just supposed to vacuum the living room. –Conan O’Brien

"Hey, speaking of presidents, a former speechwriter to President Bush was quoted as saying that, contrary to what people think, 'Bush wasn't dumb.' In fact, as we speak, that quote's being engraved on the wall of the Bush presidential library." --Conan O'Brien

Scientists now say life on Earth may have started after an accidental mashup between DNA and RNA. When asked for comment, Larry King said, “That was one crazy weekend, man.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m just spitballin’ here, what say we invade Poland? (I was paraphrasing him)

“The Colorado Supreme Court ruled yesterday that former President Trump is ineligible to run again for president, while the Florida Supreme Court ruled he already won.” — Seth Meyers

“After facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, former President Trump said yesterday that immigrants are destroying the blood of our country and added, ‘They said, “Oh, Hitler said that in a much different way.”’ But you’ve already lost the argument if you have to say, ‘Guys, I wasn’t quoting Hitler — I was paraphrasing him.’” — Seth Meyers

“That’s right, after facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, Trump said that immigrants are destroying the blood of our country and added, ‘I’ve never read “Mein Kampf.”’ Yeah, no one thought you had. I’d be surprised if you read ‘The Art of the Deal.’” — Seth Meyers

“[imitating Trump] Everyone is saying that I’ve read ‘Mein Kampf,’ but that is a lie: I reached the same conclusions as Hitler independently. And while I’ve got your attention — folks, hold on — while I’ve got your attention, and I’m just spitballin’ here, what say we invade Poland?” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If there's one thing Brendan Fraser has taught us, it's that (No word yet on their new baby’s name)

"I don't know much about politics over there (in Egypt), but I heard they broke into their national museum and destroyed some mummies. The one thing I do know is that disturbing 2,000-year-old mummies is a terrible idea. If there's one thing Brendan Fraser has taught us, it's that." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Bristol Palin announced she has a new boyfriend. No word yet on their new baby’s name." –Jimmy Fallon

At the White House this week President Clinton officially came out against same-sex marriages. What's more the president said he is not too crazy about opposite sex marriages either. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

A new FBI study shows that for the first time Americans are more likely to be killed by a stranger than a loved one or acquaintance. Their advice, introduce yourself to as many people as possible. --Norm Macdonald, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

President Obama is now talking to him about a reverse mortgage (So he’s going to jury duty)

"Vice President Joe Biden was called for jury duty. He can get out of it if he can convince the judge that his presence at his job is essential. So he’s going to jury duty." –Jay Leno

"Chinese President Hu Jintao was hinting that China may not loan the U.S. any more money. President Obama is now talking to him about a reverse mortgage." –Jay Leno

"President Bush has a plan to get us out of this financial mess. It takes place in January when he leaves office, that's the first step." --Jay Leno

"After a three-year run, Hooters Airlines announced it's calling it quits, closing its doors. Today,  President Clinton said, 'This means the terrorists have won.'" --Jay Leno

"Last night in Florida, the Gators got a congratulatory phone call from President Bush. And UCLA shot so badly they got a phone call from Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”