“Some updates on the pandemic. First, Prince Charles tested positive for coronavirus – so basically, Harry and Meghan left and coronavirus joined, which is a pretty bad trade, if you ask me. The Prince has mild symptoms and is in self-isolation in his Scottish palace, which sounds like the beginning of a very strange Disney movie.” —Trevor Noah
“Meanwhile, as coronavirus tanks the economy, Amazon has asked the public to donate to a relief fund for its workers. Yeah, the richest company in the world, owned by the richest man in the world, is asking us for money. Which, let’s be honest, is some bullshit. Can someone please order Jeff Bezos a conscience? With Prime, it can arrive within two days.” —Trevor Noah
“And finally, Trump has promised, despite all predictions and public health advice, to ‘pack churches’ by Easter, even as coronavirus cases aren’t expected to peak in New York, now the nation’s worst outbreak zone, for several more weeks. In a press conference, New York’s governor, Andrew Cuomo, blasted the federal government’s handling of the state’s emergency. I can see why Cuomo is pissed at Trump – if you need 30,000 ventilators, it’s insulting for someone to give you 400. It’s like seeing someone drowning in the ocean, and instead of throwing them a life preserver you just toss them a rubber duck.” —Trevor Noah
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
