MSNBC sent a steak and cheese fries (What are you gonna do about it?)

August 2013

"In an interview with Univision, Anthony Weiner said he created the online name, Carlos Danger, as a joke. Weiner was like 'Come on, what's funnier than the name Carlos Danger?' They we're like, 'uh, Anthony Weiner?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The White House approved an exemption in Obamacare coverage for Congress and members of their staff. Members complained that the Affordable Care Act will cost them thousands extra a year in premiums. Wait a minute. It's their bill. If it's too expensive, why did they name it the Affordable Care Act?" –Jay Leno

"Happy birthday to President Obama! He turned 52 over the weekend. You can see he is getting a little grayer. In fact, they are starting to call him 'The Silver Fox.' That’s because most of the silver in his hair was caused by Fox." –Jay Leno

"All our best to former President George W. Bush, who is recovering from successful heart surgery today. All day the media have been sending get-well wishes to President Bush. Fox News sent flowers. MSNBC sent a steak and cheese fries. " –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That must have been some trip to Rio (Your house is NOT on fire)

July 2013

"Anthony Weiner's campaign manager quit. He says he's applying for a much less stressful job that has a better chance of success. He is trying to get Paula Deen elected president of BET." –Craig Ferguson

"Pope Francis today said he will not judge priests who are gay. In response, gay priests said they will not judge Pope Francis for wearing that robe with those shoes." –Conan O'Brien

"Pope Francis went to Rio in South America and announced that he would not judge anyone who is gay. That's what Pope Francis said. That must have been some trip to Rio." –David Letterman 

"The French Riviera, over the weekend, had a $53 million jewel heist, and the police went into action. They've rounded up Sean Connery, Michael Caine, Lindsay Lohan, and the mastermind of the jewel heist — Carlos Danger, gaucho of love." –David Letterman

"Republicans have accused Carlos Danger of being in the United States illegally." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are you kidding me? What do I gotta do? (I'm not opening that)

July 2013

"Poor Anthony Wiener. His campaign has hit a snag. The first survey since his recent scandal found he is now in second place in the race for New York City mayor. He said it's a minor setback, while the guy in third said, 'Are you kidding me? What do I gotta do?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Weiner is in second place. He is no longer in the lead. And it gets worse when you hear the guy in first place is Carlos Danger." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama's got a big retreat coming up. He invited all his Cabinet members to Camp David. Unfortunately, Joe Biden couldn't make the retreat because he's in Asia. That's because Obama told him the retreat was in Asia." –Jimmy Fallon

"It's been a rough week for Anthony Weiner. His campaign manager in the race for mayor just quit because of Weiner's newest scandal. And it's tough finding a replacement because every time he emails someone, they're like, 'I'm not opening that.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"This new sexting scandal was too much, so his campaign manager called it quits. Weiner was like, 'What kind of person quits because of something like that?' Then voters said, 'Ideally? You.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Republicans love it because it just sits there and does nothing (naked and unable to stand)

July 2013

"The New York Times says Weiner should pull out. The Daily News, the New York Post, they've all said drop out. USA Today wants to know how he put that hole in their pie chart." –Bill Maher

"This guy has sent so many dick pics, yesterday he was at the Apple store and the guy said to him, 'You know you can also make calls on this thing.'" –Bill Maher

"Some jackass vandalized the Lincoln Memorial. Who hates the Lincoln Memorial? Democrats love it because it honors the man who freed the slaves. And Republicans love it because it just sits there and does nothing." –Bill Maher

"Bill O'Reilly said, 'I am dealing with reality. I am like Paul Revere.' Here's how Bill O'Reilly is like Paul Revere: when he rides past you, you see a horse's ass." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: If Anthony Weiner can come up with a totally badass name like 'Carlos Danger' just to masturbate, how come the best Tom Cruise could do was 'Jack Reacher'? The guy in the action movie should be 'Carlos Danger.' The guy touching himself should be Jack Reacher." –Bill Maher

"New Rule: Stop asking if the new royal baby is more like William or more like Kate. He's more like Uncle Harry - naked and unable to stand." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Trump demanded to see Carlos Danger's birth certificate (Dude, put some clothes on)

July 2013

"Anthony Weiner has been on the Internet having obscene chats, and he uses the name Carlos Danger. When Donald Trump heard about it, Trump demanded to see Carlos Danger's birth certificate." –David Letterman

"Another tough day for New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner. Or as we know him now, 'Carlos Danger.' I'm no prude, but I think texting obscene pictures crosses the line. Even Geraldo Rivera was like, 'Dude, put some clothes on.'" –Craig Ferguson

"I'm conflicted about Anthony Weiner. On one hand, after the pain he caused his family I think he should drop out of the race. On the other hand, his staying makes my job even easier." –Craig Ferguson

"President Obama gave a big speech yesterday on the economy. It was actually longer than his last State of the Union address – though it should be noted that he opened with 20 minutes of Anthony Weiner jokes." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The show tonight may run a little longer than usual (Carlos Danger, Gaucho of Love)

July 2013

"The show tonight may run a little longer than usual, and I'll tell you why. We have about 300 Anthony Weiner jokes to get through." –David Letterman

"Let me just say this: You know that your campaign is not going well when you open a press conference by saying 'I told you there would be more lewd photos.'" –David Letterman

"Weiner says he won't drop out of the race so that means by day he'll be Mr. Mayor, and by night he'll be 'Carlos Danger, Gaucho of Love.'" –David Letterman

"Carlos Danger — isn't that the guy from the Dos Equis commercials?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yes, William and Kate, we'll definitely set up a play date (My work here is done)

July 2013

"There's a new Anthony Weiner scandal. Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. He confirmed yesterday that some new sexually explicit messages have been leaked. He sent them to a woman on Facebook using the code name 'Carlos Danger.' Which is still easier to believe than that other name: Mayor Weiner." –Jimmy Fallon

"It was revealed that Anthony Weiner sent nude pictures of himself to this woman using a 'Carlos Danger' Yahoo email address. His wife was shocked. She said, 'You still use Yahoo?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The past 24 hours have been so exciting for my wife and I, and we haven't had a chance to respond to everyone's calls and messages, but let me just say, 'Yes, William and Kate, we'll definitely set up a play date.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Everybody is still talking about the other baby, the royal baby. In fact, I saw that President Obama released a statement congratulating Prince William and Kate Middleton on the birth of their son. Then he said, 'And whatever you do – hang on to that birth certificate.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's a really slow-moving line (His way of getting more Latino support)

July 2013

"Anthony Weiner the peter tweeter is at is again. He admitted in a press conference to having more online sexting episodes well after he resigned from Congress. This time Anthony Weiner used the name Carlos Danger. He was sexting women under the name Carlos Danger. See, this is Weiner's way of getting more Latino support." –Jay Leno

"As a comedian, I am pleading with the voters of New York: please elect this man." –Jay Leno

"The royal baby has left the hospital. He will now go to one of the royal estates, where he will rest comfortably – for the next 80 years." –Jay Leno

"This royal baby is third in line for the throne. To which Prince Charles said, 'It's a really slow-moving line.'" –Jay Leno 

"William and Kate spent the morning thanking the hospital staff for all their care. And the other patients spent the morning trying to find the hospital staff. 'My wife is having a baby too. Hello! Anybody?'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So for now, we just address him as 'Boy George.'

"There's a new Anthony Weiner scandal. Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. He confirmed yesterday that some new sexually explicit messages have been leaked. He sent them to a woman on Facebook using the code name 'Carlos Danger.' Which is still easier to believe than that other name: Mayor Weiner." –Jimmy Fallon 

"Queen Elizabeth met the royal baby yesterday. The baby cried, so Queen Elizabeth explained, 'You'll never have to work a day in your life.'" –Conan O'Brien



"The royal baby has a name now: George Alexander Louis. George is not the king yet. So for now, we just address him as 'Boy George.'" –Craig Ferguson