Why aren't my speeches getting more likes? (You're Shaggy from Scooby-Doo)

Let's get to some news. I saw that President Trump just met with the CEO of Twitter, Jack Dorsey. I heard that Trump complained about losing Twitter followers. Just like when Abraham Lincoln met with his generals and said, "Why aren't my speeches getting more likes?" --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- I read that since Pete Buttigieg has become more popular, Beto O'Rourke's popularity has gone down. They're both young, charismatic guys, and a lot of people think Buttigieg stole Beto's thunder. And, honestly, I kind of feel bad for the guy. So it's time for a candidate intervention. Beto, my man, take a deep breath. There's a long way to go until the 2020 election. But if you want to get back on track, here's some advice. You got to cool it with the blue shirts, bro. There's just too many of them. It's insane. You look exactly the same every day. It's like one of the Brooks brothers got stuck inside Groundhog Day. --Jimmy Fallon

And Beto please, please stop standing on your minivan. You can't become President if you're standing on a van down by the river! So, Beto, do some interviews, do a Town Hall, because Mayor Pete's coming in hot. And right now, you're just a dude who supports legal marijuana, wears the same shirt every day, and rides around in a van. You're Shaggy from "Scooby-Doo." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”