Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President? (Things we "can't" afford)

Let's get to some news. Today, guys, President Trump met with Kanye West at the White House. Incredible. If you would've told me 10 years ago that Trump and Kanye would be meeting at the White House, I would've said, "Oh, my God, Kanye becomes President?" --Jimmy Fallon

It was really something to see, though. The President spent the day with Kanye West, and Kid Rock was there, too. Meanwhile, people down in Florida were like, "Don't worry, we'll just handle this hurricane ourselves. You just hang out with.....forget it." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Ohio is a beautiful country, too. I love the language. I hope to learn it someday (The Power of the People)

But Trump's been busy this morning. He published a "USA Today" op-ed about healthcare. A lot of people are saying it had several factual errors. Turns out a pharmacist isn't someone who works on a farm. And shingles isn't a tube of potato chips. That's not -- He got that wrong. --Jimmy Fallon

And last night, I saw Trump spoke at a big rally in Iowa, and he said that he's kept his promises to states like Iowa and Nebraska, but I'm not sure he knows that they're states. Listen to this. Today, I kept another major promise, as I said, to the people of Iowa and Nebraska and other countries. Ohio is a beautiful country, too. I love the language. I hope to learn it someday. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

right now, a bunch of Russians are arguing over who gets to eavesdrop (You'd make a much better Vice President)

And listen to this -- a man in Kentucky who is also named Brett Kavanaugh went viral this weekend for tweeting, "This is a terrible time to be named Brett Kavanaugh." Then a guy named Bill Cosby Weinstein was like, "It could be worse. Could be worse." --Jimmy Fallon

Guys, tomorrow is President Trump's big meeting with Kanye West at the White House, which means right now, a bunch of Russians are arguing over who gets to eavesdrop. --Jimmy Fallon

Since his U.N. ambassador resigned yesterday, Trump says he's narrowed down his list of replacements to five people. He was like, "It'll either be Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, or Kylie. Not saying who." Actually, Dennis Rodman went on Twitter and said that he should be the new U.N. ambassador. In response, Trump said, "That's ridiculous. You'd make a much better Vice President." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey man. It’s five o’clock somewhere (I mean, talk about Junk Mail)

The FBI report on Brett Kavanaugh was handed over to the senate in the pre-dawn hours. Well it was pre-dawn in Washington. But as Brett Kavanaugh said, “Hey man. It’s five o’clock somewhere.” --James Corden

A personalized greeting card company that allows you to upload your own photos, was forced to go on Twitter to plead with their customers to stop uploading pictures of their genitals. Greeting cards with people’s genitals on them? I mean, talk about Junk Mail. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

President Trump warmed up the crowd by shoving a toddler (Well, he sounds innocent to me)

Republicans are planning to keep the results of the Brett Kavanaugh investigation a secret and store them in a locked vault. Well, he sounds innocent to me. --Conan O’Brien

At a rally in Mississippi the other day President Trump mocked Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser Christine Ford. Now as usual President Trump warmed up the crowd by shoving a toddler. --Conan O’Brien

Here in Los Angeles a home robbery gang is targeting celebrities. Police have assured me that I’m safe. --Conan O’Brien

Hollywood leading man Christian Bale is playing Dick Cheney in an upcoming movie. Apparently the casting was done by Dick Cheney. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

75% think President Wilson was a volleyball (Trump lasted longer with Stormy Daniels)

But it was a great game for the Yankees. They won 7-2. The post-game locker room was nuts. The whole team drank almost as much as Brett Kavanaugh. --Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of the Supreme Court nominee, the FBI finished its report on Kavanaugh this morning and delivered to the U.S. Capitol at 4:00 a.m. And this is crazy -- the delivery guy actually passed Kavanaugh stumbling home from the bar. --Jimmy Fallon

I'm not saying the FBI investigation on Kavanaugh was short, but Trump lasted longer with Stormy Daniels. --Jimmy Fallon

A new poll found that 12% of Americans think Dwight D. Eisenhower commanded troops in the Civil War. Even worse, 75% think President Wilson was a volleyball. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Dore: New Zealand Ratifies TPP Against Will Of People

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Muddy Waters She's Got It

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Major League Baseball: A Bad Lip Reading

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Rami Malek & cast on Bohemian Rhapsody | Film4 Interview Special

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Jimmy Fallon: Rami Malek Discusses His Freddie Mercury Transformation

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even more amazing, Trump learned how to file bankruptcy by age 9 (foreclosing on Malibu Barbie’s dream home)

The New York Times published a big investigative article today that dug into the Trump family’s questionable finances. The article had all kinds of revelations. For example, Donald Trump has always claimed to be a self-made man. But apparently by age 3, he was earning $200,000 a year from his father and by age 8 he was a millionaire. Even more amazing, Trump learned how to file bankruptcy by age 9. --James Corden

Apparently, Trump was involved in his dad’s real estate business from the beginning. As a preschooler, Trump was already foreclosing on Malibu Barbie’s dream home. --James Corden

The article also details some of the Trump family’s questionable tax schemes. For example, Donald Trump and his siblings once avoided paying half a billion dollars in taxes. So it’s not just his wives that he cheats on. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

More like Kim Jong-Awwwwwwwww (Trump’s wedding vows)

The FBI has been instructed to complete the investigation on Brett Kavanaugh within the next four days. Or as Brett Kavanaugh would say, two-and-a-half kegs. --James Corden

According to President Trump , the investigation, “Must be limited in scope and completed in less than one week.” By the way, limited in scope and completed in less than one week, are also Trump’s wedding vows. --James Corden

Donald Trump said he and North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un had been exchanging “beautiful letters” and that the two leaders, “fell in love.” More like Kim Jong-Awwwwwwwww.” --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

a pretty big f-you to all the recently dumped people perusing the ice cream aisle (Why are the words sideways?)

A man in New York has broken a state record for growing the largest pumpkin, weighing in at 2,027 pounds, though its doctor claims it's actually 239 pounds. --Seth Meyers

Adult-film star Stormy Daniels' tell-all book "Full Disclosure" was released today, which means somewhere in the White House, President Trump is currently holding it wrong. "Where -- Where are the pictures? Why are the words sideways?" --Seth Meyers

President Trump defended Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh today and said it is, "a very scary time for young men in America." Adding, "you can be accused before you prove your innocence." Okay, but that's usually the order it goes in. If you call the police out of nowhere and tell them you didn't murder your wife, they're gonna send a car around. --Seth Meyers

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream recently helped a New York man propose to his girlfriend in a grocery store by creating a special label reading "Marry Me Mint," which was a pretty big f-you to all the recently dumped people perusing the ice cream aisle. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's not what it looks like (are you sure you don't drink?)

While answering questions about Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh's drinking habits, President Trump today praised himself for not drinking alcohol, adding, "Can you imagine if I had? What a mess I'd be." I mean, yeah. You'd be in and out of relationships, you'd miss work all the time, you'd slur your words, and are you sure you don't drink? --Seth Meyers

At a campaign rally this weekend, President Trump said he "fell in love with" North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. Well, that makes sense. He is 27. --Seth Meyers

Mountain goats in Washington state are being airlifted out of Olympic National Park after their population developed a craving for human urine. Said the scientist who made the discovery, "It's not what it looks like." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

if it’s one thing Trump is good for, it’s a quick probe (we will send one of them Kanye)

The FBI is investigating Brett Kavanaugh this week. President Trump is hoping for a quick probe of Brett Kavanaugh, In response Stormy Daniels said, “if it’s one thing Trump is good for, it’s a quick probe.” --Conan O’Brien

First Lady Melania Trump has embarked on a solo trip to Africa. When asked when she was coming back and Melania said, “Back?” --Conan O’Brien

It was reported today that in 1990 the USA was 6th in the world in education. Now we are 27th. When they heard that Americans asked, “Is that worser?” --Conan O’Brien

Canada, Mexico and the US have reached a new trade agreement to replace NAFTA. Under the new deal, Mexico will send us heavy machinery, Canada will send us timber, and we will send one of them Kanye. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Stephen Colbert: Nebraska's Painfully Honest New State Slogan

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Secular Talk: Joe Biden Pushes Stunningly Stupid 'Anti-Populist' Strategy For 2020

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Laughing Heart - Charles Bukowski - A Short Film

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Patriots vs. Bills Week 8 Highlights | NFL 2018

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

James Corden: Surprise! The Trump's Taxes Are Very Shady!

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, the first one not elected to the United States Senate, of course (On Voting Republican...)

"According to The New York Times, an 8-year-old boy is on the terrorism watch list because he has the same name as someone on the no-fly list. His mom says he's been on the no-fly list since he was 2 years old. But to be fair, how many fliers would like to see all 2-year-olds on the no-fly list?" –Jay Leno

"The Shady Lady brothel in Nevada has a 25-year-old man named Marcus, and he's become the first legal male prostitute in American history. Well, the first one not elected to the United States Senate, of course." –Jay Leno

"Well, folks, it looks like California's about to legalize marijuana. Yeah, yeah. You thought Governor Schwarzenegger was hard to understand before." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Make Your Toilet Great Again! (using snowplows to run over dissidents)

"Let me see if I have this straight. You need to replace perhaps the most beloved liberal in the history of the Senate with a candidate that believes Curt Schilling is a Yankee fan. Because if this lady loses, the health care reform bill that the beloved late senator considered his legacy will die and the reason it will die is because if Coakley loses, Democrats will only have then an 18-vote majority in the Senate. Which is more than George W. Bush ever had in the Senate when he did whenever the f**k he wanted." –Jon Stewart

"The heaviest snowfall in over 60 years is being reported in Beijing, China. To give you an idea of how bad it is, the army is now having to use snowplows to run over dissidents." –Jay Leno

"According to Time magazine, executives at the Wall Street firm of Goldman Sachs were paid an average of $600,000 last year. And that was just by Congress." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Their new slogan is 'hair and unbalanced.' (You're thinking of capitalism)

"Our good friend, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, is a contributor to Fox News. Only been there a couple days. Already making friends. Today, she loaned Glenn Beck some mascara that does not run when you cry." –David Letterman

“Sarah Palin is doing a lot of public speaking, and next week, she will be in Las Vegas speaking at a liquor convention. And what a coincidence, because I think McCain was drunk when he picked her." –David Letterman

"It's a big, big week for giant announcements. Have you seen the 'American Idol' show? One of the judges on the show, Simon Cowell, announced this will be the last season on the show. Cowell is the only high-ranking judge that Sarah Palin could name." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin is joining Fox News. The new slogan is 'hair and unbalanced.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

they have not seen Bill O'Reilly that aroused since the time he got to see Dick Cheney change his tube socks (They finally found a job that she's not under-qualified for)

"There's a new book out about the most recent U.S. presidential campaign. In the book, it says Sarah Palin was unprepared to be vice president. And I thought, boy, you think you know somebody." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News analyst. They finally found a job that she's not under-qualified for." –David Letterman

"Future President Sarah Palin made her first appearance on Fox News yesterday—after signing a multi-year deal with the network. She was a guest on 'The O'Reilly Factor.' Sources say they have not seen Bill O'Reilly that aroused since the time he got to see Dick Cheney change his tube socks." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What they're going to do is bring back Bush and Cheney for a week (Dumbass Apocalypse)

"President Obama's approval rating is down to 46 percent. But the White House has an idea for how to get it back up again. What they're going to do is bring back Bush and Cheney for a week." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Earlier tonight, Sarah Palin appeared on 'The O'Reilly Factor' with Bill O'Reilly. Talk about a bridge to nowhere." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News contributor tonight on 'The O'Reilly Factor.' I tried to record it, but my DVR quit halfway through." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

to which God responded, 'What? Really? Don't bring me into this.' (I'm a constant f***ing delight)

"Sarah Palin just signed on to be a contributor to the Fox News Channel. She chose the job after carefully weighing her other option, just going away." –Jimmy Fallon

"Speaking of Sarah Palin, I was watching '60 Minutes' last night and a former McCain campaign aide said that when Palin found out she would become John McCain's running mate, she said, 'It's God's plan,' to which God responded, 'What? Really? Don't bring me into this.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin will be a regular contributor to Fox News. She signed a three-year contract, which means she should be there for, what, six months?" –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”