Tuesday, October 30, 2018

It's not what it looks like (are you sure you don't drink?)

While answering questions about Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh's drinking habits, President Trump today praised himself for not drinking alcohol, adding, "Can you imagine if I had? What a mess I'd be." I mean, yeah. You'd be in and out of relationships, you'd miss work all the time, you'd slur your words, and are you sure you don't drink? --Seth Meyers

At a campaign rally this weekend, President Trump said he "fell in love with" North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. Well, that makes sense. He is 27. --Seth Meyers

Mountain goats in Washington state are being airlifted out of Olympic National Park after their population developed a craving for human urine. Said the scientist who made the discovery, "It's not what it looks like." --Seth Meyers “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

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