So, your dad is Donald Trump, right? (it came free on their punch card)

The Duggars, of the TV show “19 Kids and Counting,” are adopting a 20th child. Not because they wanted one, but because it came free on their punch card. –Conan O’Brien

Ivanka Trump cut short an interview with Cosmo because of what she said was all the “negativity.” Which is weird because all the interviewer said was, “So, your dad is Donald Trump, right?” –Conan O’Brien

Recent polling has shown that Hillary Clinton’s lead over Donald Trump has almost totally disappeared and the candidates are basically tied. They’re neck and neck. Well, for Hillary it’s the neck. For Trump it’s more like a gizzard thing. –James Corden

America, you have got to buck up. Look, I understand India, China — they are overpopulated and they are polluted. But America, you guys are like, “Ew, there’s no Wi-Fi at this restaurant. How am I supposed to Snapchat my sliders? I’m sad now.” –James Corden