17 years without winning a championship (I read that wrong)

Similarly, at an executive order signing ceremony at the White House, Trump praised the Rose Garden and said “that stone is so beautiful”. “Said reporters: that’s RFK Jr.” —Seth Meyers

In other White House news, according to numerous reports, Trump is considering several replacements for former White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, including the New York Yankees president, Randy Levine. Because any time someone goes 17 years without winning a championship, you gotta capture that magic. —Seth Meyers 

And at a recent White House science summit, Trump praised Elon Musk and said “quite honestly, there’s nobody like him”. I read that wrong – nobody likes him. —Seth Meyers 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You Can See Everything but the Epstein Files (fun-sized)

“Meanwhile, ahead of the midterms, Trump’s approval rating just hit a record low. Trump staffers were like ‘This time of year, we prefer to think of it as ‘fun-sized.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“I think Trump is running out of ideas. First he offered people $5,000 and today he said, ‘If you vote Republican, you can be my press secretary.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“Trump is trying everything. He just asked Nathan Fielder to make a documentary about him called ‘You Can See Everything but the Epstein Files.’” — Jimmy Fallon 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We have a very busty waitress today (rub one out and get back to work!)

President Trump praised Senator Jon Husted’s physique during recent campaign rallies, telling attendees that he had examined many parts of his body, including his rear end. “Yes, you live your truth, Donald, go find a man and take him dancing in your big gay ballroom.” — Michael Kosta

“And MAGA, if you’re upset by this, you were the ones who love Trump ‘cause he says whatever he’s thinking.’ But that’s a double-edged sword. Because sometimes you get ‘I hate immigrants’, and sometimes you get ‘reincarnate me as a desk chair so this guy can sit on my face all day’.” — Michael Kosta

“But if Donald Trump’s not secretly gay, but what he definitely is, is an 80-year-old man. That’s the age where the filter starts to slip and Grandpa just says out loud anything that pops into his head, like leaning over at the restaurant, going, ‘We have a very busty waitress today.’” — Michael Kosta

“OK, so you examined his shoulders, his feet and his jawline? Does Trump think Jon Husted is a horse? ‘I fed him a carrot. I brushed his beautiful mane.’” — Michael Kosta

“Trump has now spent more time thinking about this guy’s butt then how to end the Iran war. Mr President, rub one out and get back to work!” — Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if each doll was being escorted out by security (the incredibly tiny Zacharian window)

“Oh my god, what are the odds? Kimberly Guilfoyle got fired during what scientists call the incredibly tiny Zacharian window?” — Seth Meyers

“Guilfoyle got fired and then the person who announced her firing also got fired. It’s like a Russian nesting doll if each doll was being escorted out by security.” — Seth Meyers

“She got fired so fast, I can barely remember her name. I think it was Kayleigh Macarena? Kareed Zakaria? Kasey Sackapotatoes? I don’t know. I feel like I’m close.” — Seth Meyers 

“Well, we were only on hiatus for one week, and we missed an entire White House press secretary. Five days, that’s how long she lasted. She got hired, gave one press briefing and then got fired so fast the melon in her ‘welcome aboard’ Edible Arrangement was still safe to eat.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, thanks for changing the subject (Let us see who is the strongest)

President Trump’s latest press secretary, Katie Zacharia, was ousted on Friday after only five days at the White House. It’s not good when the edible arrangement you got on your first day is still edible on your last day. It’s finally ripe. — Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, Kimberly Guilfoyle was like, ‘Hey, thanks for changing the subject.’”— Jimmy Fallon

“Five days. Kash Patel was like, ‘Damn, I’ve had hangovers last longer than that.” — Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which was how they got her to the intervention (Tell Mitch McConnell I'll see him on Friday)

Happy birthday to Kamala Harris who turned 62 today. Yeah, her friends invited her to a big party which was how they got her to the intervention. —Greg Gutfeld 

Miley Cyrus told the crowd at her concert that Dolly Parton communicated with her from the dead. Yeah, apparently she said, "Tell Mitch McConnell I'll see him on Friday.” —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Second greatest trick (but that's just cuz it's everywhere)

Meanwhile, during the riots in France, Emmanuel Macron was seen with his wife at a Celine Dion concert. We can't tell if he's upset over the riots or that he's at a Celine Dion concert. —Greg Gutfeld 

And so federal prosecutors say that DNA evidence could prove that Ilhan Omar committed immigration fraud. They also found Bill Clinton's DNA, but that's just cuz it's everywhere. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”