That’s not important! (ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone)

"George W. Bush’s daughter, Jenna, just put her home in Baltimore on the market for $500,000. The real estate agent said, 'I just want to warn you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Researchers at Cornell University have invented a soft robot hand that can touch fragile items and even sense their shape and texture. When asked what they’ve used the hand for, researchers said, “That’s not important!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad (You get used to it/Hope that Helps)

"Due to civil unrest in Baltimore, tomorrow's game between the Orioles and the White Sox will be played to an empty stadium. When asked for comments, players on the Milwaukee Brewers said, 'You get used to it.'" –Conan O'Brien

"This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets gay men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Prince William's pregnant wife, Kate Middleton, is past her due date. Doctors may have to induce labor. To speed up the birth, doctors have been telling the baby, 'Come on out. You will never have to work a day in your life.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

4 out of 5 citizens love democracy (a drag version of Ronald McDonald)

More than 5,000 people attended a democratic fundraiser at Radio City Music Hall featuring big name celebrities like Barack Obama, Steven Colbert and Lizzo, as well as lesser known celebrities like President Joe Biden. —Michael Che

President Biden said on Friday that he would visit the site of the Baltimore Bridge collapse, because like that bridge, Biden is no longer connecting with black communities. —Michael Che

NBC News cut ties with Ronna McDaniel after many network hosts protested her hiring. I’m actually very disappointed because I thought Ronna McDaniel was a drag version of Ronald McDonald. —Michael Che

The Oscar winning movie Oppenheimer finally premiered yesterday in Japan — without warning. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Good luck figuring out where these are supposed to go (Not most. Every single one.)

This week Baltimore’s Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed after it was struck by a cargo ship that was carrying — you won’t believe it — Boeing airplanes. —Colin Jost

The CEO of Boeing announced he is stepping down in the wake of the company’s ongoing safety issues, and on his way out, he held up a bunch of nuts and bolts and said, ‘Good luck figuring out where these are supposed to go.’ —Colin Jost

Fans of the Huy Fong Hot Sauce are complaining the condiment is not as hot as it used to be. And yet everyone gets upset when I make the same complaint about the cast of Stranger Things. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I just want to warn you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone (That’s not important!)

"George W. Bush’s daughter, Jenna, just put her home in Baltimore on the market for $500,000. The real estate agent said, 'I just want to warn you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Researchers at Cornell University have invented a soft robot hand that can touch fragile items and even sense their shape and texture. When asked what they’ve used the hand for, researchers said, “That’s not important!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Baltimore liberals force pigeons from their homes (Party of Patriots)

"Michele Bachmann wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday even though it's actually the anniversary of his death. When told about the mistake, Bachmann said, 'My apologies to Elvis, and the entire Costello family.'" –Conan O'Brien

Last night, the city of Baltimore removed four statues of Confederate heroes. Or, as Fox News reported it, "Baltimore liberals force pigeons from their homes." –Conan O’Brien

Bill Cosby has hired a woman to be his lead attorney. She says she doesn’t know how she got the job, she just woke up and there it was. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's right, they handled 16 million packages (ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone)

"George W. Bush’s daughter, Jenna, just put her home in Baltimore on the market for $500,000. The real estate agent said, 'I just want to warn you that offers have gone way down ever since the economy was ruined by . . . someone.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin is going to Haiti this weekend to deliver humanitarian aid. If there's one thing that's reassuring, it's seeing Sarah Palin above you in a helicopter." –Jimmy Fallon

"George W. Bush's daughter, Jenna, is moving to New York City so that she can be closer to her twin sister, Barbara. Meanwhile, their dad plans to visit New York, so that he can be closer to 'Elf: The Musical.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Kate Gosselin was on the TLC show, 'Sarah Palin's Alaska,' and Palin told Kate that you're putting your family in danger if you don't bring a gun with you in the wilderness. Of course there's always the other option: not taking your kids into the wilderness." –Jimmy Fallon

"FedEx said that it shipped 16 million packages today on its busiest day of the year. That's right, they handled 16 million packages. Or as the TSA calls that, 'kind of a slow day.'" –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Baltimore liberals force pigeons from their homes (GOP 2018 platform)

Last night, the city of Baltimore removed four statues of Confederate heroes. Or, as Fox News reported it, "Baltimore liberals force pigeons from their homes." –Conan O’Brien

The Trump administration named a new interim communications director and her name is Hope Hicks. So, apparently now they’re on the H’s. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Well, give it a couple years and it might be a documentary (Bus on fire)

President Trump said yesterday that he went to speak with Vladimir Putin at the G20 summit dinner because he was seated next to the wife of Japanese Prime Minister Abe, who spoke no English. Which means they had at least one thing in common. –Seth Meyers

Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk claims he has gotten verbal approval to connect New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington with a high-speed train that runs in an airless tube. While the New York City subway just introduced brand-new rotary phones. –Seth Meyers

The creators of HBO’s “Game of Thrones” announced they are developing a new show that imagines what it would be like if the Confederacy successfully seceded from the United States. Well, give it a couple years and it might be a documentary. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

JOKES: It's a Wonderful Life (George W. Bush version)

The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the two things Americans love most — waiting in airports and exercise. –Jimmy Fallon

A recent study found that the number of monarch butterflies migrating to Mexico from the U.S. has dropped by 27 percent. Apparently the butterflies are afraid if they go from the U.S. to Mexico, they won’t be allowed back in. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, without mentioning Donald Trump, Pope Francis urged everyone to build bridges, not walls. So today, without mentioning the Pope, Donald Trump said, “Francis is a girl’s name.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html