"Al-Qaida has now launched a woman's magazine that will have everything from fashion to terror advice. Unfortunately, women are not allowed to read it." –Jay Leno
"Today is the Ides of March, the day on which in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar was stabbed to death by 60 Roman Senators. That could never happen today. We can't get 60 Senators to agree on anything." –Jay Leno
"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno
"You know, the interesting thing is, these numbers are so big that people can't even comprehend them. Like $700 billion. See, the best way to understand large amounts of money is to think of it in terms of what it can buy. For example, you know what $700 billion buys? It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen." --Jay Leno
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.
Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s
Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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