I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet (Incredible Customer Service)

April 2022

“The news of Elon Musk purchasing Twitter set off a wave of takes so hot, they burned off my eyebrows and I had to draw them back on.” —Trevor Noah

“But one of the biggest takes came from former Twitter C.E.O. Jack Dorsey, who gave Musk his stamp of approval saying, ‘I trust his mission to extend the lights of consciousness.’ And I’ll be honest, people, I have no idea what that means, but Jack’s clearly on that billionaire speak.” —Trevor Noah

“All jokes aside, Jack Dorsey is a great guy, and I wish him a safe journey back to his home planet.” —Trevor Noah

“You know, Trump claims he won’t go back on Twitter, but he 100 percent will go back on Twitter, and then this dumb new company he conned everybody out of their money for will become, I guess, the social media equivalent of a Radio Shack — a Radio Shack that is run by Devin Nunes.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yeah, so Truth Social is competition for Twitter the same way that guy on the plane was competition for Mike Tyson.” —Trevor Noah

“Also, it doesn’t bode well that Trump himself has only posted on Truth Social one time ever. Yeah, and that was two months ago. Think about how crazy that is, people — when he was on Twitter, Trump would send out, what, like 50 tweets every time he went to the bathroom? Now he hasn’t posted for two months. Somebody needs to get this guy prune juice fast!” —Trevor Noah

“I’ll be honest, though, the only reason I would want Trump back on Twitter, the only reason, because — I know, yes, it would probably lead to another term and it would destroy the country — but I just, I just really want to see his Wordle scores.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

something already went wrong (Use your teeth)

February 2022

“But like lots of people, I couldn’t even log in to Truth Social because when it launched, select users who tried to create accounts were repeatedly met with a red error warning, ‘Something went wrong. Please try again.’ Though by the time you find yourself signing up for Donald Trump’s social media site, something already went wrong.” —Seth Meyers

“But I’m guessing they’ll try again. If you were first in line to sign up for Truth Social, you probably got some free time on your hands.[imitating Trump supporter] ‘Well, I’m just sitting here waiting for J.F.K., Jr. to reappear at the Meadowlands with Elvis and the Loch Ness monster to prove the election was stolen. I guess I’ll try logging in again.’” —Seth Meyers

“I really enjoy how vague the error message is: ‘Something went wrong,’ like even they don’t know what the problem is. Usually you get an error code or something, but Trump’s site just gives you a shrug emoji that says, ‘What were you expecting? This thing’s a cluster [expletive].’” —Seth Meyers

“The snafu makes sense, because the site is run by former GOP congressman Devin Nunes, who told Fox News last week that the site would be ‘fully operational’ by the end of March. By the end of March? This is the digital age! Everything is measured in nano-seconds and you’re moving at the speed of civil war letters home.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s almost like he’s taking notes during his fights with Melania (that hit too close to home)

“Every time he mocks other people, it’s like a pain that’s inside of him that he’s trying to project onto others. It’s almost like he’s taking notes during his fights with Melania.” --Trevor Noah

In response to the French taxes, Trump is now threatening to tax all the most cliched French goods like wine, cheese and handbags. He was probably also going to tax French fries and mistresses, but that hit too close to home. --Trevor Noah

Meanwhile, the House released its report based on the impeachment hearings, which revealed that according to phone records, the House intelligence committee member and notorious Trump loyalist Devin Nunes had multiple conversations with Lev Parnas, one of Rudy Giuliani’s Ukrainian associates recently indicted for campaign finance violations. Nunes did not disclose the conversations to the committee nor recuse himself from the investigation; the revelation is like if we found out Judge Ito used to crash on OJ’s couch or something. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the only one who’d truly appreciate a table of cold hamburgers (Sit, stay and rollover)

“Now, in a totally unrelated story, in 2018, Devin Nunes claimed expenses for a four-day trip to Europe between Nov. 30 and Dec. 3. Abraca-dum-dum. How stupid do you have to be to file expense reports on a crime? ‘All right, give me all the money in the vault, and could you validate my parking?’” --Stephen Colbert

“It reminds me of the children’s classic, ‘Nancy Drew and the Case of the Man Murdered by Nancy Drew.’” --Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, today at the White House, Trump hosted the hero dog that was wounded during the al-Baghdadi raid. His name is Conan, check it out. It was interesting — when Trump said, ‘Sit, stay and rollover,’ every Republican in Congress started doing it.” --Jimmy Fallon

“I’m surprised he did not give Conan his famous sports team welcome, because a dog is really the only one who’d truly appreciate a table of cold hamburgers.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If these impeachment proceedings have taught me anything (You can’t handle the truth!)

“If these impeachment proceedings have taught me anything, it’s that there’s no sentence more depressing than: ‘The chair now recognizes Devin Nunes for 45 minutes.’” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Devin Nunes, a Trump stalwart from California, did not use his speaking time in the hearings to gather facts, because those don’t look too good for Team Trump. Instead, he lashed out at the media, which he called puppets of the Democratic party. Someone who has the president’s knuckles so far up his butt they’re poking his tonsils – is that person allowed to call other people puppets? We may have to ask Elmo to weigh in on that.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Lt. Colonel Vindman has a purple heart for military service, and they still tried to pick him apart. The woman whose reputation they tried to stain works for Mike Pence! They’re actually trying to make us believe that a woman who voluntarily works for Mike Pence is on the other side!” --Jimmy Kimmel

“We’re so used to these movies and TV shows where the criminal breaks down on the stand and confesses – it’s like we’re waiting for that to happen before we make a decision. But in real life – which, believe it or not, this is – that’s not how this goes. No one shouts ‘You can’t handle the truth!’” --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Republicans hyped this dud for weeks (learn how footnotes work)

We're still dealing with the fallout of the infamous Republican memo written by House Intelligence Committee chair Devin Nunes. 

Republicans hyped this dud for weeks, and the central argument of the memo is that the FBI was biased when they got a warrant to wiretap former Trump adviser Carter Page. 

Nunes says the FBI relied exclusively on the Steele dossier and never disclosed to the judge that the dossier was paid for by Trump's political opponents. 

Now, if true, that's a pretty damning charge. Spoiler alert: Not true. Turns out, the partisan nature of the dossier was mentioned in a footnote. 

Now, Nunes should learn how footnotes work. He's about to become one in history. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

But it’s safe to say it’s not Donald Trump ( they literally work in holes)

Today, coal miners attended a ceremony where President Trump signed an executive order undoing most of Barack Obama’s climate change initiatives. The miners said they were really impressed with Trump. They said that in just two months, he’d dug himself into the biggest hole they’ve ever seen. And they literally work in holes. –James Corden

Meanwhile the investigation into Trump’s Russian ties is getting really crazy. Democrats are calling for Devin Nunes, the head of the intelligence committee, to step down because he took a secret meeting at the White House. Nunes wouldn’t reveal who he met with at the White House. But it’s safe to say it’s not Donald Trump, because Trump’s never there. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html