If your lips leave Trump’s a** even for a second (just to put on some Chapstick, you’re dead to him)

“Thursday marked the third day of Trump’s Senate impeachment trial, and so far we’ve heard a detailed description of perhaps the greatest abuse of power ever by a US president – and turns out, America is watching. The first day of the trial was viewed by 11 million people, which is not Super Bowl ratings, but it’s at least Puppy Bowl ratings. Though that’s not really fair to compare puppies to US senators – the puppies still have their balls.” —Stephen Colbert

“The president has 53 senators doing his bidding at his impeachment trial, but they’re not alone.Trump has appointed several Republican House members to his impeachment defense team this week. But one of Trump’s JV grovelers somehow got left off the team: Florida congressman and man unhinging his jaw to swallow all of Trump’s lies Matt Gaetz. Gaetz is a well-known Trump fan boy – his campaign homepage features affirmations such as ‘Trumpiest Congressman in Trump’s Washington’, ‘Trump’s Ultimate Defender’ and ‘Trump’s Best Buddy’. So why did Gaetz get excluded? Because he dared disagree with Trump a single time. After Trump’s drone strike on Iranian General Qassem Suleimani, Gaetz voted with several other Republican congressmen to limit Trump’s war powers – big mistake. If your lips leave Trump’s ass even for a second, just to put on some Chapstick, you’re dead to him.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s been a big year for mentally ill clowns already (Even their weather is a lie!)

“Mike Pompeo has had trouble narrowing down when Suleimani’s imminent attack was going to happen. ‘We don’t know precisely when and we don’t know precisely where, but it was real,’ Pompeo told Fox News last week. ‘Hello, 911? Hello, I’m being robbed. I don’t know precisely when and I don’t know precisely where but I do have the address of a guy I want you to kill. This is real.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump, meanwhile, has peddled a line that he believed Suleimani posed an imminent threat to four unnamed embassies. He believes it would’ve been four embassies. Do we really want to live in a country where we bomb people because of what Donald Trump believes? We’re talking about a guy who believes windmills cause cancer. —Stephen Colbert

“On Sunday, the defense secretary, Mark Esper, admitted that he had not seen any evidence for Trump’s claim of a credible threat to four embassies, which demonstrates how the Trump administration is like a couple who doesn’t coordinate their lie before leaving a party.” —Stephen Colbert

“The big winner of the Oscars so far, with 11 nominations, was the movie Joker. It’s been a big year for mentally ill clowns already.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“On Sunday, the official White House Twitter posted a ‘first snow of the year’ picture, which is fine except there was no snow in Washington last night or yesterday, and in fact, it was 70 degrees according to the National Weather Service. Even their weather is a lie!” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

We don’t want the smocking gun to be a mosh-room pizza (Trust me, the rabbit’s there)

“Trump circumvented Congress to launch a strike on an official of a foreign government – a decision that has been deeply unpopular with the American people. The administration has claimed that Suleimani posed an ‘imminent threat’. The secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, has been cagey about the alleged ‘imminent threat’, which has angered lawmakers. After a briefing by administration officials, Senator Chris Murphy of Connecticut concluded to reporters that the threat ‘doesn’t exist.’ Of course it doesn’t exist. If Donald Trump says, ‘Trust me, the thing exists,’ it definitely does not exist. He’s like a magician who says he’s going to pull a rabbit out of his hat, looks down, realizes the rabbit has chewed through the hat and escaped and says, ‘Trust me, the rabbit’s there.’” —Seth Meyers

Remember when Bush’s national security adviser, Condoleezza Rice, called Saddam Hussein’s (non-existent) pursuit of nuclear weapons a ‘smoking gun’ that could turn into a ‘mushroom cloud’. Of course it turned out there was neither a mushroom cloud nor a smoking gun, or as Trump has repeatedly called it, a ‘smocking gun’. That’s probably why Trump’s speechwriters have never even bothered to write a line like that for him, because they know he’d never be able to pronounce the words – ‘We don’t want the smocking gun to be a mosh-room pizza.’” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He had blood on his hands/giant foam fingers/everything tasted like sh*t

“Aside from the million or so people at his funeral yesterday, everyone else agrees that Suleimani was a bad guy responsible for death and destruction around the world. But as bad as Suleimani was, not everyone agrees that killing him like this was a good idea, the same way things only got worse when America got rid of Saddam Hussein, or when America got rid of Muammar Gaddafi, or when America got rid of gluten – because I don’t know what it actually is, all I know is once it was gone, everything tasted like shit.” —Trevor Noah

“On Tuesday morning, it was reported that a top Iranian official revealed the country has drawn up 13 potential retaliation scenarios, also known as an Ayatollah’s dozen. Trump, meanwhile, had been tweeting threats against Iran since the Suleimani killing, including ones directed at Iranian cultural sites. He walked back those comments in a press conference Tuesday, saying he wouldn’t bomb cultural sites because ‘I like to obey the law.’ [As Trump] I like to obey the law, just ask Paul Manafort or Michael Cohen. If they ever get out of federal prison, they will vouch for me.” —Stephen Colbert

“Iran is promising to launch a retaliatory missile strike against US troops in Iraq. Our prayers are with the troops and our allies, but this is when it becomes particularly preposterous that our president is Donald Trump. We might be at war, and this guy – you know what he’s busy with? He’s bragging, Trump did and interview this week on Rush Limbaugh’s radio show in which he claimed to have wiped out Isis (false) and been the number one on Facebook (also false). All he cares about is being number one. Our country is being run by the human equivalent of one of those giant foam fingers you see at college football games.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I only put that on there so you’d be more into the threesome idea (middle-of-the-road options)

Intelligence Officials apparently offered the extreme option of killing Suleimani as a way of pushing Trump toward something less aggressive. It’s like your boyfriend saying, why did you pick breakup, I only put that on there so you’d be more into the threesome idea. —Stephen Colbert

After Iran threatened retaliation, Trump countered with a tweet claiming he would target cultural sites in Iran if they pushed forward. There is no way Trump knows anything about cultural sites. —Trevor Noah

“Who are these intelligence officials who didn’t think Trump would pick the most extreme option on the menu of options? Have you seen Trump’s apartment? What part of his life suggests he’s going to pick middle-of-the-road options?” --Trevor Noah

“What happened to peace? When most people break their New Year’s resolutions, they eat ice cream instead of working out. This guy rained down fire on these m*therf*cker*.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I’ve already done one of those things — and the other one (I have officially changed the launch codes)

Iranians have vowed to retaliate for the killing of a top Iranian commander, Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani. Trump has promised more attacks if they do, claiming to have a list of 52 potential targets — one for each of the American hostages held by Iran during President Jimmy Carter’s administration. He also said some of the targets would be cultural sites, which would violate international law. He’s still mad about the Iranian hostage crisis? What’s next on his 1980s agenda? [As Trump] ‘I’m also targeting four top Iranian generals, one for each of the “Three Men and a Baby”; six different regions, one for each side of the Rubik’s Cube; and I have officially changed the launch codes to 867-5309.’” —Stephen Colbert

“O.K., here’s the deal: Bombing Iranian cultural sites could be a war crime. [As Trump] ‘What do you mean ‘could be a war crime’? What do I have to do around here? Kick the Sphinx? Urinate on a terra cotta soldier? Because I’ve already done one of those things — and the other one.’” —Stephen Colbert

“So here’s how it went down — Trump’s advisers went to Mar-a-Lago and military officials put the option of killing Suleimani — which they viewed as the most extreme response — on the menu they presented President Trump. They didn’t think he’d do it — they tacked on the choice of targeting General Suleimani to make other options seem reasonable. O.K., quick note to the generals: The only way Trump isn’t going to order something on a menu is if it comes with vegetables.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”