Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else (His bail was set at 200 goats)

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in trouble. He was arrested this week for threatening to expose some sensitive government secrets. And you can tell it's serious. His bail was set at 200 goats." –Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

I want to say congrats to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Today they welcomed a baby boy. The baby's doing great. Buckingham Palace says that he Brexited his mother early this morning. Weighed in at 3.2 kilograms. Americans heard that, and were like, "Yeah, we have no idea how much that is." They're like, "Kilograms? That 32 pounds? I have no idea." And get this. I read that the new baby is seventh in line for the throne. Yeah, the only way he'll be king is if the Kentucky Derby judges disqualify everyone else. --Jimmy Fallon

It's being reported that the Kardashians were frustrated when they were in Cuba because most Cubans have not seen their show, so they don't know why they're famous. As opposed to most Americans who have seen their show, and still don't know why they're famous. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”