I love you so much and can't imagine life without you (K)

This week Trump said that two of the most incredible days of his life were spent in China – mainly because it was the closest he'll ever get to seeing a great wall. --Jimmy Fallon

Today is Beyoncé and Jay-Z's 10th wedding anniversary. Wow. Jay-Z told Beyoncé, "I love you so much and can't imagine life without you." And Beyoncé replied, "'K." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

worst Katrina relocation story ever (except having only one wife)

"Mormon presidential candidate Mitt Romney told '60 Minutes' this week that he can't imagine anything more awful than polygamy ... except having only one wife." --Seth Meyers

"A 75-year-old retired nurse has become the first black woman to reach the North Pole, in what has to be the worst Katrina relocation story yet." --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

A huge, seemingly endless series of errors (celebrity power couple)

"Last week, Tony Blair paid his final visit to the White House in preparation for his departure from the British stage, signaling the end of famed celebrity power couple 'Primesident Blush.' 

This is one of those strange break-ups where the parents want to stay together and the children are begging them to split. And does no one want custody of poor little Iraq? 

It was all fodder for the prime minister's final sleepover visit, which consisted of meetings, a formal dinner, and, as always, some late night PlayStation. 

So, there it is. The end of an era. I'm sorry, I misspoke. A huge, seemingly endless series of errors." --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Don't Tell Me You're Wearing Those Boots With That Gun (positions #3)

"During last night's Democratic debate, all the candidates said that if they were elected, they would get rid of the military's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy for gay soldiers. 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' will be replaced by the new policy, 'Don't Tell Me You're Wearing Those Boots With That Gun.'" --Conan O'Brien

"There are three new books out this week about Hillary Clinton. One for each of her positions on the Iraq war." --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

The Bachelor fantasy suite (one year too late)

The stakes are high. If the two sides can’t find a compromise the federal government is going to shut down on January 20, or as historians call it: one year too late. --Stephen Colbert

They had the meeting this afternoon and they did it in kind of an exceptional way. Hadn't seen this before. They held an open meeting and let cameras in for the negotiations. They don't even let cameras into "The Bachelor" fantasy suite when they're engaging in "bipartisan negotiations." --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It's the best thing to happen to Alabama since not electing Roy Moore (That's two in a row!)

Congratulations to the Alabama Crimson Tide, who, last night, beat the Georgia Bulldogs to win the college football championship. It's the best thing to happen to Alabama since not electing Roy Moore. Good for you! That's two in a row! --Stephen Colbert

Today, President Trump held a bipartisan meeting on immigration reform, focused mainly on reforming our policy of having immigrants. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

taking knees national anthem not know all the words karaoke bar can't speak Spanish (fumbling the lyrics)

The College Football National Championship game was last night. And President Donald Trump made an appearance. Now, after months of criticizing football players for taking knees, the president finally got the chance to stand for the national anthem. But some people noticed that Trump may not know all the words. [shows clip of Trump appearing to fumble the lyrics] He looks like a guy who just jumped on stage at a karaoke bar to sing "Despacito," and then suddenly remembered he can't speak Spanish. In Trump's defense, it's hard to sing a song while you're also trying to compose tweets in your head. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Hey, man, be careful with that. It's not good for you (I'll see you Monday)

In August, Steve Bannon was forced to step down from his job at the White House and has now also been forced out as the head of Breitbart News. The craziest part of this story is, Steve Bannon is a powerful old white guy who has lost not one but two jobs in the last six months, and neither of them was for sexual harassment. --James Corden

Two major Apple investors wrote an open letter to the company pressuring it to study the addictive effects of iPhones and iPads on children. This seems a little bit late; addressing this problem now is like your drug dealer telling you, "Hey, man, be careful with that. It's not good for you. I'll see you Monday." --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Hope and Pinot Grigio!

"President Obama defeated Mitt Romney last night. We know this for sure despite the fact that the returns from Florida still have not been counted. What goes on in Florida? They had four years to fix this. We need to make sure Florida never gets the Olympics." –Jimmy Kimmel



"Today everyone was busy looking at all the different numbers, trying to figure out who voted for which candidate. President Obama beat Mitt Romney by 38 points among single women. They say it’s because of Obama’s final campaign slogan, 'Hope and Pinot Grigio.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"The president also got help in the election last night with 70 percent of the Jewish vote. When Jewish voters heard their support for Obama was so high, they were like, 'Eh, coulda been better.'" –Jimmy Fallon



John Hulse photography

Mitt Romney waited until 1 a.m. to give his concession speech

"Mitt Romney waited until 1 a.m. to give his concession speech. They were talking to him and said what are you going to do now? And he said, 'I plan to spend some time with my tax returns.'" –David Letterman



"Mitt Romney was very gracious in his remarks in his concession speech. Shortly after Mitt Romney conceded, Paul Ryan was untied and set free." –David Letterman

"I really think in all of what happened yesterday, the only person who should be considered a 'loser' is Donald Trump. I'll tell you why. He went on Twitter demanding a revolution. So far no one's listened to him — because he's Donald Trump! After that, Trump tweeted, 'The world is laughing at us.' I'm thinking, No, Donald. The world is laughing at you and this is why. It is because you're wearing an orange face and a crazy wig. This is the uniform the world over of a clown! Nobody laughs WITH the clown. They laugh AT the clown. Then when the clown gets angry, it is funnier." –Craig Ferguson 

John Hulse photography

Mitt Romney on the other side won the unpopular vote

"It was a big night for the Democrats. Obama was on the electoral vote and the popular vote. Mitt Romney on the other side won the unpopular vote." –David Letterman



"Some Republicans are taking it hard. Clint Eastwood spent the entire day buying drinks for an empty bar stool." –David Letterman



"A victory like this is just the kind of thing that might sway the undecided voters." –David Letterman



"They had a CBS exit poll last night. 100 percent of the people questioned in the exit poll said they were leaving." –David Letterman



John Hulse photography

Today Delaware confessed to being bi-curious

"Yesterday was a historic day. Everyone marked it in different ways. A Kenyan woman gave birth to twin boys and named them Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Obviously she named the one that came out second Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien



"Yesterday Maine and Maryland approved gay marriage. And today Delaware confessed to being bi-curious." –Conan O'Brien



"Well, it's over, and as usual, the guy from Kenya won." –David Letterman 

John Hulse photography

He can still run for president of the Cayman Islands

"Actually I thought Mitt Romney was very gracious last night. He gave a very touching concession speech. And the good news for Romney is that he can still run for president of the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno 

"After 18 months, the election is over. You know what made a big difference last night? The Hispanic vote. The president got 70 percent of the Hispanic vote in Colorado and Nevada. And in New Hampshire, Obama got the support of both Latino guys." –Conan O'Brien



"Mitt Romney did well with certain voters. It was close. He had the support of men, people over 45, and married women. In other words, Mitt Romney had the support of Mitt and Ann Romney." –Conan O'Brien



John Hulse photography

If you must sing on the campaign trail

"This week Mitt Romney's Super PAC put out a new ad that tries to ridicule Obama because he was singing Al Green. Let that be a lesson to you aspiring politicians. If you must sing on the campaign trail, make it 'America the Beautiful,' off key, in mom jeans." –Bill Maher 

"Romney is going to have to pick a vice president and apparently it is between Chris Christie and the senator from Florida, Marco Rubio. So it’s between a Cuban American and a cubic American." –Bill Maher 

"Mitt Romney has to be very careful because he doesn’t want to pick a vice president who will overshadow him. So he has narrowed the field to the other guy from Wham!, DJ Jazzy Jeff and Oates." –Bill Maher



John Hulse photography

The photo has proven to be a very effective form of birth control

“He wears a sweater vest everywhere, which is proof that he does not have one gay friend. This guy thinks about gay sex more than any gay man in America. There’s a guy down in West Hollywood working at Dorothy’s and Dildos who does not think about gay sex as much as Rick Santorum.” –Bill Maher 

“Here’s how nice it was here on the Eastern Seaboard. It was such a beautiful day today that Mitt Romney was riding on the roof of his car.” –David Letterman



“A photo of a shirtless Rick Santorum lounging in a pool is circulating on the Internet. Ironically, the photo has proven to be a very effective form of birth control.” –Conan O'Brien



John Hulse photography

Newt's ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters

"Mitt Romney has been out-spending his opponents by a huge margin, and he's still losing. Fortunately, being a hedge fund manager, he bet against himself and made another fortune." –Jay Leno



"More and more Republicans are calling on Newt Gingrich to drop out of the campaign. Well, I don't want to say things look bad for Newt, but his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters." –Jay Leno





"Yesterday Rick Santorum greeted the locals by telling them if Puerto Rico wants to become a state, they need to start speaking English. Only Rick Santorum would go to someone's native land and tell them they're speaking the wrong language." –Jimmy Kimmel

John Hulse photography

Obama’s new campaign slogan: ‘Tell me about your day.’

“The latest polls show President Obama’s approval rating among women has risen by 10 percent. Many people believe this increase is due to Obama’s new campaign slogan: ‘Tell me about your day.’” –Conan O'Brien



“This week a Chicken McNugget that resembles President George Washington was auctioned on eBay for over $8,000. Meanwhile, a Chicken McNugget that looks like Mitt Romney was eaten by Newt Gingrich.” –Conan O’Brien 




“It was reported that in the weeks leading up to his death, Osama bin Laden had trouble controlling the squabbling among his three wives. In fact, when the team knocked down the door, bin Laden said, ‘Thank god you’re here. Two in the chest. One in the head. Let’s do this.’” –Conan O’Brien 



John Hulse photography

Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest

“They’re saying now it looks like the state of Michigan is swinging toward Rick Santorum. And I think if there’s a word that best describes Rick, it’s ‘swinging.’” –David Letterman



“I was talking to a friend about Rick Santorum. He said, ‘For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest.’” –David Letterman

"Newt Gingrich visited the San Diego Zoo yesterday and had fun with a panda. It was amazing. Here you have this massive creature that’s nearly extinct, and then of course there was the panda.” –David Letterman  

John Hulse photography

Or as the Palin family calls them, Skittles.

“It is Mormon in America again. What a week Mitt Romney had. He won Florida. It looks like he’s on the way to the nomination. If only he could stop talking.” –Bill Maher 

“I think I can prove that Mitt Romney is the whitest man ever because he won Florida, became the undisputed front runner and then the next day, the host of Soul Train killed himself.” –Bill Maher 

“The working girls from the Bunny Ranch Brothel are showing up at Ron Paul rallies because he’s a libertarian. What a strange world it is when a presidential candidate can accept an endorsement from a whore...but enough about Romney and Donald Trump.” –Bill Maher



“Pfizer recalled a million birth control pills. Nothing wrong with them, except they won’t stop you from getting pregnant. Or as the Palin family calls them, Skittles.” –Bill Maher

John Hulse photography

You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing.

“Mitt Romney said he’s not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million.” –David Letterman



“Romney said the poor ought to get together and go to Best Buy to watch the Super Bowl on the wide screen.” –David Letterman



“Romney was endorsed by Donald Trump. You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing.” –David Letterman

John Hulse photography