NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs Chicago Blackhawks

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs Vancouver Canucks

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Luckily, this is not difficult (to lie down mistress, and get up master)

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. –Charlotte Whitton (1896-1975), former Mayor of Ottawa

I have no wish for a second husband. I had enough of the first. I like to have my own way - to lie down mistress, and get up master. –Susanna Moodie (1803-85), Canadian writer and poet

There is no difference. –Pablo Picasso (1881-1973), Spanish painter and sculptor, when asked what was the difference between art and eroticism

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What is the difference between art and eroticism? (Do you come here often?)

There is no difference. –Pablo Picasso (1881-1973), Spanish painter and sculptor, when asked what was the difference between art and eroticism

Do you come here often? Only in the mating season. –Spike Milligan in The Goon Show

The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before. –F. Scott Fitzgerald

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The court also upheld Prop 9, which allows metrosexuals to continue using too much bronzer (That guy is a reverse genius)

"On his radio show yesterday, Rush Limbaugh called Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor a 'reverse racist.' I got to hand it to Limbaugh. That guy is a reverse genius." --Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump criticized Hillary Clinton over the weekend, claiming that her views are “just words” read off a teleprompter. But Hillary denied it, saying, “I’ve had these speeches memorized since I was six.” –Jimmy Fallon

"The California Supreme Court today upheld Proposition 8, the ban on gay marriage, but that's not all. The court also upheld Prop 9, which allows metrosexuals to continue using too much bronzer." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which makes it extra creepy when you find a hair in your food (lunch money)

A group of MIT graduates just opened a restaurant in Boston where the chefs are all robots. Which makes it extra creepy when you find a hair in your food. --Jimmy Fallon

Last night, a Picasso painting of a naked girl was sold at an auction for $115 million. So, congrats to the middle school boys who all pooled their lunch money together to buy it. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Applause, good evening, applause (Mickey Mouse head bounce)

Tonight was President Trump's first State of the Union. And I saw that Trump read his speech off a teleprompter. You could tell because he began by saying, "Applause, good evening, applause." --Jimmy Fallon

To make sure he stayed on track, his staff had a little Mickey Mouse head bounce over the words like a sing-along song. --Jimmy Fallon

But experts said it was a very historic State of the Union. You know, because it marked the first time since taking office that Trump went a full hour without tweeting. --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the first person ever eliminated from The Apprentice, the Trump administration, AND Celebrity Big Brother

A prominent former Trump staffer, Omarosa, has a new job. She will be joining the cast of “Celebrity Big Brother,” a.k.a. “Get Out 2.” --Jimmy Kimmel

Insiders say she left the White House for “Big Brother” because she wanted a more stable work environment. This is historic, because Omarosa could become the first person ever eliminated from “The Apprentice,” the Trump administration, AND “Celebrity Big Brother.” --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

If I’m not mistaken, the Uniom was the side that won the Civil Warm (State of the Uniom)

They hand out tickets for this event, actual hard tickets. These are the tickets they handed out. You see right there, you’re invited to the address to the Congress on the State of the Uniom. So we’re already off to a good start. --Jimmy Kimmel

If I’m not mistaken, the Uniom was the side that won the Civil Warm, isn’t that right? Is there nothing they can’t screw up? That’s because we’re REAL Americans, not some pansy-a** spellers. --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Nobody ever had a problem when I fired Meat Loaf (exact same rules as The Apprentice)

The New York Times had a big bombshell story tonight. They reported that Trump ordered White House counsel Don McGahn to fire Robert Mueller, who’s running the Russia investigation. But the president backed off when McGahn said if you make me do that, I’m going to quit. Which obviously would have been a disaster for Trump; it still might be. You can’t just fire every guy who investigates you. He’s running the White House by the exact same rules as “The Apprentice.” He doesn’t understand. He’s like, “Nobody ever had a problem when I fired Meat Loaf.” --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Trump is his own wall, in a way (Absynthe Drinker)

According to the National Travel and Tourism Office, tourism is down in America since we elected President Trump. The U.S. tourism industry lost 40,000 jobs and $4.6 billion in revenue since the inauguration. I don’t know why people wouldn’t want to come here, we’re so welcoming to foreigners, starting right at the top. We don’t really need a wall. We already have Trump. Trump is his own wall, in a way. --Jimmy Kimmel

Oprah has announced she will not run for president in 2020. She did an interview and said running for president is not for her. If she’s not going to run for president, can’t she at least give us each a car or something? --Jimmy Kimmel

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Well, thank God that’s done (negotiating in Trump’s bed)

Here’s what happened: This afternoon, after intense closed-door negotiations, Democrats and Republicans reached a deal to reopen the government. Well, thank God that’s done and we don’t have to think about it again until... February 8. --Stephen Colbert

The two-day shutdown almost didn’t happen at all because on Friday, Sen. Chuck Schumer met with Trump at the White House and they “came close to a deal over cheeseburgers.” That’s smart — get him all burgered up first. Although, if they’re eating burgers, I think that means they were negotiating in Trump’s bed. --Stephen Colbert

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Are you gonna finish that? (she said, he paid)

To try to avoid the government shutdown, President Trump sat down with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer on Friday over cheeseburgers. “Are you gonna finish that?” said Schumer, about Trump’s first term. --Seth Meyers

Vice President Mike Pence today called reports claiming that President Trump had an affair with an adult film star nothing more than “baseless allegations.” That’s right, it’s just another case of “she said, he paid.” --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

No, was completely normal game of American football (Next on Chicago West)

Also, the New England Patriots advanced to the Super Bowl. Did you see this though? It looked like one of the referees was actually celebrating with the Patriots after the game. When asked if the game was rigged, the ref said, [Russian accent] “No, was completely normal game of American football. Heh-heh.”  --Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their newborn daughter Chicago West. That sounds less like a baby and more like something that would air on Thursdays at 10 p.m. on NBC. “Next on ‘Chicago West...’”  --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I like islands that weren’t hit by a hurricane (blame the victim)

   

And that first tweet was just the tip of the douche-berg. Because he sent out 20 tweets about Puerto Rico this weekend. He continued: “Such poor leadership ability by the mayor of San Juan, and others in Puerto Rico, who are not able to get their workers to help. They want everything to be done for them when it should be a community effort.” Yes, Trump is blaming the victim. “I like islands that weren’t hit by a hurricane, OK? That’s what I like.” –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

So, boys, next time somebody says you throw like a girl, say "Thank you."

America just dominated the 2016 Olympics! That's right, we killed it. We got 121 medals! And I'm not surprised. I watched the Games here in the States — can't remember the channel — and from what I saw, apparently only Americans competed. Americans, and Usain Bolt. Of course, he's an honorary American, because Jamaica is basically tropical Colorado. –Stephen Colbert

And the majority of those American medals were won by female athletes. So, boys, next time somebody on the playground says you throw like a girl, say "Thank you." –Stephen Colbert

You stopped at a gas station for a pee break? C'mon, you're Olympic swimmers, you spend 90 percent of your lives in public pools. That's what the chlorine's for. –Stephen Colbert

Today, Ryan Lochte lost all four of his sponsors, including Speedo. And that's got to hurt, because they've been his biggest supporter — well, not biggest, but crucial. –Stephen Colbert

he’s a Sanders supporter (Chelsea Clinton gives birth)

Donald Trump thanked crowds in Phoenix for their support this weekend, saying, “I feel like a supermodel, except like times ten.” By the way, “supermodel times ten” is also his spray tan setting. –Seth Meyers

Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a son this weekend. Unfortunately, due to his young age, he’s a Sanders supporter. –Seth Meyers

A company has created a line of non-alcoholic wines for cats containing catnip, water, and organic beet juice for owners who want to drink with their pets. Said the cats, “Yeah … I actually have a thing tonight.” –Seth Meyers

Of course, because it was Beverly Hills, it only looked 90 (Canada or Mexico)

Today is the first day of summer. Or as my skin calls it, "Melanoma-palooza." In Beverly Hills it was 108. Of course, because it was Beverly Hills, it only looked 90. –Conan O’Brien

A new poll came out and it claims that 25 percent of voters remain undecided. Apparently, they’re undecided on whether to move to Canada or Mexico. –Conan O’Brien

We are in the midst of a hell-like heat wave on the West Coast. The temperature hit 112 in Beverly Hills yesterday. That's dangerous. Many residents of Beverly Hills are made of materials that melt at temperatures like that. –Jimmy Kimmel

He was always ready for a woman in the Oval Office (My Pet Goat)

"Hillary Clinton said today that she hopes American is ready for a woman in the Oval Office. See, that was the great thing about her husband, Bill. He was always ready for a woman in the Oval Office." --Jay Leno

"Here's a good reason to stay in school. The president was in Salt Lake City yesterday speaking about the War on Terror, while simultaneously fighting his own personal battle with the English language [on screen: Bush mispronouncing 'totalitarian']. You think when he sees Jessica Simpson screw up a word, he laughs or feels sorry for her?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Did you hear about the president this week? He said so far this year, he's read 60 books. Wow, George Bush, who couldn't finish 'My Pet Goat'?" --Bill Maher

Well, look who's just as cool as Kanye Bieber (naked restaurant)

This Sunday is Father's Day and it's also Game 7 of the NBA Finals, the final round of the U.S. Open, and a new episode of "Game of Thrones." Kids were like, "We're going spend the whole day bringing you beers, aren't we?" And you go, "Yeah, yeah." –Jimmy Fallon

Some male celebrities, like Kanye West and Justin Bieber, are wearing ripped jeans that cost up to $900. Or as dads with only one old pair of jeans put it, "Well, look who's just as cool as Kanye Bieber." –Jimmy Fallon

A naked restaurant is opening in Japan next month, but apparently they’re banning customers who are overweight, over 60-years-old, or have tattoos. They said the last thing they want at their naked restaurant is a bunch of weirdos. –Jimmy Fallon