I have 200 cans in the living room (So, do I get a doubles trophy?)

Ted Cruz's daughters were also at the town hall. They said that if they end up in the White House, they want to have Taylor Swift over for dinner. Then Ted Cruz said, "I hope she likes chunky soup because I have 200 cans in the living room." –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Welcome aboard! (So, do I get a doubles trophy?)

Fox News announced that Bill O’Reilly has been fired, after his sexual harassment scandal. Experts say it is not likely that any self-respecting network will ever hire him — then CNN said, “Welcome aboard!” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Started growing my own pot (Well, rules are rules)

Lot of celebrity babies are happening right now. It was just announced that Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting their third child. Kate's very excited about the baby. In fact, she said that she can already feel it waving. –Jimmy Fallon

I also want to say congratulations to Serena Williams, who just welcomed a baby girl. The doctor gave the baby to Serena, then Serena returned it, then the doctor sent it back, then Serena returned it again, and won the point. It was amazing to watch. –Jimmy Fallon

It was announced today that President Trump is ending the DACA program, and may deport immigrants who came to the U.S. decades ago. Many people are outraged, while Melania was like, "Well, rules are rules." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

That's all we have to do? Thank you. That's perfect! (In fact, she said that she can already feel it waving)

A lot of people were saying President Obama was snubbed by China when they didn't have the stairs ready for him to get off the plane. In fact, Donald Trump said that if that ever happened to him, he'd just close the plane doors and leave the country. Every other country was like, "That's all we have to do? Thank you. That's perfect!" –Jimmy Fallon

In a recent interview, Paul McCartney said that he once saw God while he was doing psychedelic drugs. Paul was like, "Oh, man, that's God." While God was like, "Holy crap, that's Paul McCartney. My God. You're the biggest — I love you so much." --Jimmy Fallon

Lots of celebrity babies are happening right now. It was just announced that Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting their third child. Kate's very excited about the baby. In fact, she said that she can already feel it waving. –Jimmy Fallon

I also want to say congratulations to Serena Williams, who just welcomed a baby girl. The doctor gave the baby to Serena, then Serena returned it, then the doctor sent it back, then Serena returned it again, and won the point. It was amazing to watch. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow (So, do I get a doubles trophy?)

I saw that earlier today, Bill O’Reilly actually met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. And when he saw O’Reilly go into confession, the next guy in line said, “You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow.” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

Fox News announced that Bill O’Reilly has been fired, after his sexual harassment scandal. Experts say it is not likely that any self-respecting network will ever hire him — then CNN said, “Welcome aboard!” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The liberal Fox News warned you about (No word yet on brides)

March 2022

Dubai has opened the Museum of the Future, which attempts to show what the world will be like in 50 years. Let’s just say the museum does not feature a polar bear exhibit. —Michael Che

A new study says that 11% of Americans are afraid of the dark. Especially if that dark is behind them at the ATM. —Michael Che

Serena Williams criticized the New York Times after it mistakenly printed a picture of her sister, Venus Williams, and labeled it Serena. Worse the Times then sent an apology letter to Wendy Williams. —Michael Che

Governors in several states including New Hampshire, Ohio and Utah have banned the sale of Russian-made vodka. No word yet on brides. —Michael Che

Many of the members of congress attending the State of the Union wore blue and yellow to show their support for Ukraine. While Kamala Harris wore all brown to do what she’s done for the past year, disappear into the background. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That guy's on too many shows (the NRA and deer)

September 2013

"President Obama is going to address the nation on Syria tomorrow night, which means here on NBC 'America's Got Talent' will be delayed by 'America's Got Problems.'" –Jay Leno

"President Obama is talking tough. He said he will not rest until Syrian President Assad's power has been reduced to the point where he's on 'Dancing With the Stars.'" –Jay Leno

"Serena Williams won her 17th Grand Slam title at the U.S. Open. I haven't seen that many Grand Slams since Chris Christie went out to Denny's with me the other night." –Jimmy Fallon 

"President Obama did six TV interviews today to explain his decision to strike Syria. Yeah, six. Even Ryan Seacrest was like, 'That guy's on too many shows.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Officials in Iowa are facing criticism over a new law that lets blind people own guns. The law has actually received support from two major groups: the NRA and deer." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm starting to like this guy (That's proof. He DID sleep with her!)

You probably heard that Stormy Daniels' book is out. Stormy Daniels has written a memoir and she describes sex with Trump as the "least impressive sex" she's ever had. Once she heard this, Melania Trump said, "This confirms it. That's proof. He DID sleep with her." --Conan O’Brien

While covering the Emmys last night, The New York Times confused actress Angela Bassett with former White House adviser Omarosa. Making matters worse, today the Times extended a heartfelt apology to Serena Williams. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Turns out it was just being paranoid (Do you want a hint?)

I also want to say congratulations to Serena Williams, who just welcomed a baby girl. The doctor gave the baby to Serena, then Serena returned it, then the doctor sent it back, then Serena returned it again, and won the point. It was amazing to watch. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that a sailboat near Greece that was in distress was busted for carrying 1,500 pounds of marijuana. Actually, the boat wasn't actually in distress. Turns out it was just being paranoid. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

He's just new at this... (covfefe language)

Yesterday, Rafael Nadal won the French Open and became the first man to win 10 titles at any major tournament. When asked what his secret is, he said, “Not having to play Serena Williams.” –Jimmy Fallon

First lady Melania Trump has officially, as of today, moved into the White House. In a related story, Donald Trump just moved from the Lincoln Bedroom to the Lincoln Couch. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that President Trump is so worried about protests that he is postponing his upcoming trip to England. Trump is also worried he doesn’t have time to learn the language. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” (giant flag made out of wrenches)

President Trump gave a speech in Wisconsin yesterday — he actually spoke in front of a giant flag made out of wrenches. When he heard he’d be speaking in front of a bunch of tools, he said, “My Cabinet’s gonna be there?” –Jimmy Fallon

Congrats to Serena Williams! She just announced that she’s expecting a baby, which means she won the Australian Open while she was pregnant. Then the baby said, “So, do I get a doubles trophy?” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that after the success of their in-store cafes, Ikea might open its own restaurants. Which is great, until you have to assemble your own table. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

dropping Miley Cyrus on Damascus

"Will Congress approve taking action in Syria? First they have to approve taking action in Congress." –Stephen Colbert



"While I was overseas, I couldn't really get much out of the news. From what I could make out, President Obama wanted to drop Miley Cyrus on Damascus." –Stephen Colbert

"Serena Williams won her 17th Grand Slam title at the U.S. Open. I haven't seen that many Grand Slams since Chris Christie went out to Denny's with me the other night." –Jimmy Fallon