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A place of satire, poetry, politics and popular culture. Hope there is something here worth a smile.
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Saturday, September 30, 2017
Jimmy Dore: Obama Actually Admits He's A Moderate Republican!
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Friday, September 29, 2017
Jimmy Kimmel: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #11
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Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats (3,000 pounds of marijuana)
Police discovered over
3,000 pounds of marijuana in a car in Colorado after the owner admitted, quote,
“It’s just a little, I can throw it out.” –Seth Meyers
Fast-food chain Arby’s is
serving a limited-edition Cookie Butter Milkshake. And any customers who order
it will also be limited-edition. –Seth Meyers
A woman in Italy recently
married herself in a ceremony that included a three-layer wedding cake,
bridesmaids, and 70 guests. Did I say guests? I meant cats. 70 cats. –Seth
Meyers
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And then she winked so hard, her podium fell over (pretty black and white)
Democrats are reportedly
hopeful that controversial judge Roy Moore’s Republican primary victory in
Alabama may boost their chances for a competitive Senate race in the state. In
a related story, Wile E. Coyote says he really feels like he has a shot this
time. –Seth Meyers
White House press
secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders today said there isn’t anything to clarify
about Trump’s position on NFL players kneeling during the national anthem,
because the issue is, quote, “pretty black and white.” And then she winked so
hard, her podium fell over. –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
the Russians are calling it a space station (golf resort/casino)
Congratulations are in
order for Khloe Kardashian, who reportedly has a baby in her. Khloe isn’t the
only one in the family expecting. Her younger sister Kylie is pregnant, her
older sister Kim is having a baby with a surrogate. It’s interesting, right?
Three major hurricanes this month, three new Kardashians. There has to be a
connection. Of course no one is more excited than grandma Kris Jenner, who is
about to sign three new clients. –Jimmy Kimmel
Russia and the United
States, with all that’s happening between us right now, have announced an
agreement to team up to build a space station on the moon. Although I should
say the Russians are calling it a space station; for some reason the White
House keeps referring to it as a golf resort/casino. –Jimmy Kimmel
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
robots performing dental surgery (too stoned to walk)
In Britain, a group of
hikers had to be rescued from the country’s highest peak because they were too
stoned to walk. The hikers were thousands of feet high, and then they started
climbing the mountain. –Conan O’Brien
In China, for the first
time ever, a robot performed dental surgery without human assistance. Everyone
was excited until they remembered that the robot was just supposed to vacuum
the living room. –Conan O’Brien
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the groom came home with 12 brides (I'll just stick with Little Nemo)
The other day in
Australia, a wedding took place inside a Costco. Because it was Costco, the
groom came home with 12 brides. –Conan O’Brien
San Diego has started
building a border wall. Not to keep out immigrants, but to keep the LA Chargers
from coming back. –Conan O’Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
how the ancient Egyptians got Mexico to pay for it (think about baseball)
Washington Monument. Which explains why
the Washington Monument is like, “Think about baseball, think about baseball,
think about baseball...” –Jimmy Fallon
Researchers say they may
have figured out how the ancient Egyptians built the Great Pyramid of Giza.
What they haven’t figured out is how the ancient Egyptians got Mexico to pay
for it. –Conan O’Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
what are the chances you’re gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals?
A musical based on Cher’s
life will come to Broadway next year. But I dunno — what are the chances you’re
gonna find people who like both Cher AND Broadway musicals? –Jimmy Fallon
A woman in Colorado says
that after someone hit her car, they left an apology note, and half a joint. It
got weirder when he came back later and said, “Did I accidentally leave my
apology note here?” –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
are you gonna buy a book or not? (Pocket Man)
This week, President Trump
unveiled his new tax code, and he said that it will be “simpler to understand.”
When asked how simple, he said, “Even I can understand it.” –Jimmy Fallon
I saw that yesterday, a
little girl wore a pantsuit to Hillary Clinton’s book signing in New York.
Hillary was like, “That is so sweet... now are you gonna buy a book or not?”
–Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Gregg Popovich's EPIC Takedown Of Donald Trump and Racism In America
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Majority Report: Shannon Sharpe BLASTS Ray Lewis For #NFLTakeAKnee Hypocrisy
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Majority Report: Trump’s NFL Statements Might Just Be A Cover Up For His Losses
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Stephen Colbert: Trump's Tax Plan Only Sets Us Back $2 Trillion
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Young Turks: Why Thousands Of NFL Fans Want To Remove Ray Lewis Statue
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Young Turks: Scientific Breakthrough Can Test Live Subjects For CTE
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Emma Vigeland: Dianne Feinstein: Half Of California Wants Her Gone
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Kids in the Hall - Groovy Teacher
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Kids In The Hall - The "Will Do" Guy in Prison
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Matchbox Twenty - Stuck in the Middle [Cover]
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the Kids in the Hall - Pizzeria
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The Kids in the Hall - Plastic Surgeon
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The Kids in the Hall - Farmer's Celebrity Encounters
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The Kids in the Hall - Career Ending Moments (Leslie De Gaulle Trio)
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The Kids in the Hall - Hockey Game Pick-Up (Gay Vampire)
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The Kids in the Hall - Mark's Great Sex
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Dave Foley on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (2/2/99)
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Humanist Report: Bernie Sanders Wiped the Floor With Graham & Cassidy at CNN's Healthcare Debate
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The Kids in the Hall - Dr. Seuss Bible
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The Kids in the Hall - Love at First Sight (Buddy Cole)
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The Kids in the Hall - Headcrusher Vs. Facepincher
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The Kids in the Hall - Pit of Ultimate Darkness, pt 2
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The Kids in the Hall - Pit of Ultimate Darkness (All Part 1 of 2)
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The Kids in the Hall - Scott's Not Gay Anymore
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The Kids in the Hall - Bank People (uncensored)
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Eddie Vedder - You've Got To Hide Your Love Away
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Garbage - Only Happy When It Rains - Los Angeles - 10 April 2012
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Garbage 'Milk' San Diego 2015
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George Harrison - It Don't Come Easy
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Young Turks: Trump On Firing Tom Price: 'We'll See'
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Lee Camp: What You AREN'T Being Told About Puerto Rico
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Thursday, September 28, 2017
A spanking, really/In God We Trust/embarrassed and pissed
Trump could really use a
win right now because things have not been going his way by any measure. The
latest is the Alabama GOP Senate primary. Trump tweeted his support for Luther
Strange. He did robocalls, held a rally for him. He went all in! Well, remember
how Trump predicted we'd get tired of winning? Well, I think he's already there
because he lost, badly. A spanking, really. –Stephen Colbert
White House aides say the
president is "embarrassed and pissed." Which coincidentally is
replacing "In God We Trust" on all U.S. currency. –Stephen Colbert
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Especially when their voice says, "You're home early!" (the Jets will not)
A new study has determined
that people in relationships can detect infidelity in their partner's voice.
Especially when their voice says, "You're home early!" –Seth Meyers
It was reported today that
Justin Timberlake may perform at the Super Bowl in February. And that the Jets
will not. –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
is also the title of his Russian hotel tape (pissed and embarrassed-Up!!!)
According to CNN, after
the candidate he was backing for the Alabama special Senate election lost,
President Trump was quote, "pissed and embarrassed." Incidentally,
"pissed and embarrassed" is also the title of his Russian hotel tape.
–Seth Meyers
While discussing the
corporate tax rate today, President Trump said that "20" is his ideal
number and he is "not negotiating that number." Which is the same
thing he says when he orders chicken McNuggets. –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
overcompensating a bit (favorite porn flick)
The president is
overcompensating a bit because he had a rough day yesterday. A candidate he
worked very hard to endorse in Alabama lost his election. Senator Luther
Strange lost his Republican primary runoff to Roy Moore by 10 points, which was
very disappointing to the president. Usually when Trump goes all-in on a loser
it's a casino with his name on it. It was an embarrassing blow to his ego. He even
went so far as to do something he never does, he deleted three tweets today,
where he bragged about how well Luther Strange was doing because of his
endorsement. –Jimmy Kimmel
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
no president has ever accomplished what he's accomplished (Jared Kushner is Hillary Clinton)
Monday it came out that
Jared Kushner used private emails in his White House job. Today we learn he's
registered in New York as a woman. Do you guys realize what this means? Jared
Kushner is Hillary Clinton. –James Corden
President Trump tweeted
this morning as part of one of his paranoid anti-media rants saying,
"Virtually no president has accomplished what we have accomplished in the
first nine months." He's right, no president has ever accomplished what
he's accomplished. After nine short months we have more nuclear weapons pointed
at us than ever before in the history of the United States. –Jimmy Kimmel
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Very Fine People/Sons of Bitches, pt. 2
In political news, Alabama
Senate candidate Luther Strange lost in a special Republican runoff election
yesterday. Now Luther Strange had been heavily endorsed by Donald Trump,
particularly on Twitter. So of course, now that he lost, Trump has deleted all
of those tweets. Trump hasn't dumped anyone that fast since his last wife… and
his last communications director… and his daughter, Tiffany. –James Corden
Luther Strange lost to a
crazy populist candidate who actually pulled out a pistol on stage at his
campaign rally earlier this week. Now, technically, it's still not clear if
Luther Strange lost to that guy or just surrendered to him. –James Corden
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Let me know when you can like a porn video without the rest of the world knowing about it (taking a knee)
Yesterday Twitter started
testing a brand new feature to let some users post tweets with 280 character
limits, which is twice the amount that is currently allowed. Yeah, cuz that was
a big problem with Twitter — the angry unhinged rants from the president simply
weren't long enough. –James Corden
When he heard about this
Ted Cruz said 280 characters, big deal. Let me know when you can like a porn
video without the rest of the world knowing about it. –James Corden
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
taxpayers and President Trump/two categories (one million Instagram followers)
President Trump says his
new tax plan would greatly simplify the U.S. tax code. It would divide everyone
into two brackets: "taxpayers" and "President Trump."
–Conan O’Brien
Khloé Kardashian is reportedly
pregnant. Khloe said she doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl just as long as
it has over one million Instagram followers. –Conan O’Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
there's no way that mixing the NFL and politics could possibly go wrong (How dare you!)
There are rumors that NFL
legend Peyton Manning may run for Senate. Experts say there's no way that
mixing the NFL and politics could possibly go wrong. –Conan O’Brien
The winner of the Alabama
Senate primary, Roy Moore, once equated homosexuality to having sex with a cow.
Moore went on to say, "However, I also have some criticisms of it."
–Conan O’Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Women say that they're excited (villain in a Batman comic)
Paul Ryan said that the
tax plan will let people file their taxes on a postcard. Cuz if there's one
group you can count on to fix the IRS, it's the Post Office. –Jimmy Fallon
Last night, a Republican
named Luther Strange lost Alabama Senate primary. So now, "Luther
Strange" will go back to his old job — a villain in a Batman comic. –Jimmy
Fallon
Saudi Arabia just
announced they will let women drive. Women say that they're excited, and can't
wait to drive straight out of Saudi Arabia. –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
I need a coloring book! (Ka-ching!)
President Trump has
finally addressed the situation in Puerto Rico, and he said that he'll travel
there on Tuesday. Trump said he's bringing lots of supplies — in case he gets
bored or hungry on the flight over. "I need a coloring book! My
binky!" –Jimmy Fallon
Trump's tax plan came out today, and it
will significantly help wealthy people with children. Then Kim, Kylie and Khloe
were like, "Ka-ching!" –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Secular Talk: US Bömbed 84 Civilians Including 30 Kids In 2 Syría Strikes
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Secular Talk: US Gives Mílítary Aid To 73% Of World's Díctatorshíps
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Wednesday, September 27, 2017
Michael Brooks: NOI Obama Gives Mark Zuckerberg A HUGE Wake Up Call
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That's like bringing a date to see your wife in the hospital (Hindsight is 2020)
They knew they could only
afford to lose two votes and Rand Paul and John McCain were already
"no's." Then last night, Maine Senator Susan Collins said she wasn't
falling for it. One reason was the CBO score, which technically hasn't come
out, but they did release an estimate yesterday showing that "the number
of people with comprehensive health insurance would be reduced by
millions." Yeah, nothing specific, just millions. –Stephen Colbert
As this point, the folks
at the CBO must be so tired of analyzing healthcare bills, they're just
free-balling it. "What, a new bill? Yeah, let me run the numbers. Yeah,
yeah everybody dies!" –Stephen Colbert
So that's it. It's over!
And, "The GOP Is already eyeing the next chance to revive the Obamacare
repeal." What! What! Already? Graham-Cassidy isn't even dead yet! That's
like bringing a date to see your wife in the hospital. –Stephen Colbert
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Bad Apples/kneeling shoes/inside his rect*m
After President Trump
called for pro-athletes to be fired if they didn't stand for the national
anthem, Nike released a statement yesterday in support of "athletes and
their right to freedom of expression." Then they introduced a new line of
$400 "kneeling shoes." –Seth Meyers
A Sri Lankan man has been
arrested for trying to smuggle $29,000 worth of gold and jewelry inside his
rectum. His lawyer says he'll walk, but his doctor's not so sure. –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
slash the tires on all the ambulances (But Rhode Island isn't!!)
Senate Republicans
announced today they will not hold a vote on the Graham-Cassidy bill to repeal
and replace Obamacare after they were unable to secure enough support. But
Republicans plan to come back with a new plan where they just slash the tires
on all the ambulances. –Seth Meyers
President Trump said today
that getting relief efforts to Puerto Rico after the devastation caused by
Hurricane Maria is tough because "It's an island." And then, proving
he just learned it, yelled, "But Rhode Island isn't!!" –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
I haven't been this excited about something being dead since Bin Laden
Thank you for joining us
on a day of great relief for many millions of Americans. Because the
Graham-Cassidy healthcare bill, a bill I've been speaking out against all week,
it shall not pass. Senator McConnell decided to pull the vote. They didn't have
the votes. I haven't been this excited about something being dead since Bin Laden.
–Jimmy Kimmel
Today was President
Trump's 250th day in office. Or, as he put it, "longer than any President
in history." –Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Hillary Clinton was hospitalized today after rolling her eyes so hard she threw her back out (huckabizzle)
Yesterday officials
confirmed that at least six of President Trump's closest advisers used a
private email to discuss official White House business. In a related story,
Hillary Clinton was hospitalized today after rolling her eyes so hard she threw
her back out. –James Corden
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee
Sanders said, from now on, "All White House personnel have been instructed
to use official email to conduct all government-related work."
Unfortunately, she made that statement in an email sent from huckabizzle@hotmail.com. –James
Corden
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
He looks less grim this year! (hunger strike)
After President Trump's
inflammatory comments, last night in a show of solidarity, every member of the
Dallas Cowboys, along with owner Jerry Jones, took a knee before the national
anthem. The Cowboys knelt before the national anthem as a protest, but then
stood while it was being played. Isn't that trying to have it both ways? Like,
"I'm on a hunger strike but only between meals." Their half-protest
still upset many people. Conservatives immediately blasted the move, saying it
disrespected the sacred minutes before the national anthem which are for [using
the restroom] and buying nachos. –James Corden
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
These experts have been described as "single" (Paul Revere's outhouse)
In Boston, experts believe
they have found Paul Revere's outhouse and they say they are excited to examine
his fecal matter. These experts have been described as "single."
–Conan O’Brien
Trump announced he will
visit Puerto Rico next Tuesday and survey the storm damage. However, Trump may
have to cancel depending on what happens on Monday Night Football. –Conan
O’Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Trump's complaints about the NFL were based on the movie "Rudy"
It's been revealed that a
tweet President Trump sent out yesterday about Iran testing a ballistic missile
was based on old news footage. Even worse, most of Trump's complaints about the
NFL were based on the movie "Rudy." –Conan O’Brien
An employee for the
Buffalo Bills quit after the entire team took a knee during the national anthem
on Sunday. Meanwhile, an employee for the Los Angeles Chargers quit after
watching them play on Sunday. –Conan O’Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
You wanna say that to my face?? (It's very wet)
Donald Trump said he's not
preoccupied by his feud with the NFL, adding "All I do is work."
Which would've been great if he hadn't said that from a Brookstone massage
chair. –Jimmy Fallon
I saw that while
discussing Puerto Rico, Trump said the Atlantic is "a very big
ocean." Trump always sounds like he forgot about a class presentation and
is just up there winging it. "The Atlantic is a very big ocean. A lot of
people didn't know how big it was. It's one of the top five big oceans out
there. It's very wet." –Jimmy Fallon
A new study says that a
lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms
were like, "You wanna say that to my face??" –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Well neither did I, and I still won! (I gotta take a knee for this)
The big story is that for
the third straight time, Senate Republicans failed to repeal Obamacare, because
they didn't have the votes. Trump was like, "Well neither did I, and I
still won!" –Jimmy Fallon
Actually, when he heard
the GOP healthcare bill failed AGAIN, Trump said, "You won't believe it,
but I think I gotta take a knee for this." –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
The Beatles - Help! (Live At The Ed Sullivan Show 1965)
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How 'bout Salma Hayek? (half as deadly as their toys)
"Speaking
of politics, Hillary
has a big lead in the Democratic race for president. Political insiders are
speculating that if Hillary Clinton wins the nomination, she may choose a
Hispanic running mate. When he heard about this, Bill Clinton yelled, 'How
'bout Salma Hayek?'" --Conan O'Brien
"The
Iraqi government has ordered $100 million worth of weapons made in China. An
Iraqi official said, 'We're hoping China makes weapons that are half as deadly
as their toys.'" --Conan O'Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
Emma Vigeland: Bernie Sanders vs. Lindsey Graham: CNN’s Healthcare Debate
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans
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