Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races (That wasn't me)

Bill Clinton said he watched all six Police Academy movies with his daughter Chelsea, which got awkward when Chelsea was like, “That wasn't me.” –James Corden

At the Tour de France today the police were trying to control protestors at the race by spraying tear gas, but they held up the race because they accidentally sprayed the cyclists. See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

while her husband’s ankles were swelling with pride (all the refinement and prestige of a Hooters at the Vatican)

For his 80th birthday, President Trump planned a UFC match on the front lawn with all the refinement and prestige of a Hooters at the Vatican. —Jimmy Kimmel 

Melania seemed to have fun watching someone else get trapped in a cage at the White House while her husband’s ankles were swelling with pride. —Jimmy Kimmel 

Trump almost stayed awake for the whole thing but he took a UFC fiesta. Only Donald Trump could fall asleep at a birthday party sponsored by Monster energy drink. —Jimmy Kimmel 

This week also saw his name officially removed from the Kennedy Center yet not from the “Trump-Epstein files”. —Jimmy Kimmel 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races (That wasn't me)

At the Tour de France today the police were trying to control protestors at the race by spraying tear gas, but they held up the race because they accidentally sprayed the cyclists. See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races. --James Corden

Bill Clinton said he watched all six Police Academy movies with his daughter Chelsea, which got awkward when Chelsea was like, “That wasn't me.” –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He definitely radiated a ‘special energy.’ (100 rats in a trench coat)

New York City’s mayor, Eric Adams, has had a challenging start to his week, with four of his eight deputy mayors announcing their resignations. Adams’s controversies stopped being funny and started becoming hilarious. The resignations were from the first deputy mayor, deputy mayor for health and human services, deputy mayor for operations, and deputy mayor for public safety. So, at this point, the city is evidently being run by the remaining deputy mayor: 100 rats in a trench coat.” — Stephen Colbert

The resignations came after several federal prosecutors in the Southern District of New York quit, having come under pressure from the Trump administration to drop charges in the mayor’s corruption case. That takes courage. Thankfully, all these lawyers found jobs at the new firm of Wegot, Balls & Howe. — Stephen Colbert

Mayor Adams has been involved in controversy for years now. For instance, while he was running to be the mayor of New York, no one could tell if he lived in New York or New Jersey; once he became mayor, he appointed, and later had to remove, his brother as deputy police commissioner. He announced a personal war on rats, introduced a Times Square RoboCop that failed as a police officer but thrived as a public urinal, and claims that the Big Apple is littered with unique crystals that give out a special energy. Yes, in fact, I saw a gentleman enjoying some of those unique crystals in the Port Authority bathroom yesterday. He definitely radiated a ‘special energy.’ — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races (Neither side is the answer)

A woman in England was searching a farm with a metal detector when she found what she thought was a foil-wrapped chocolate coin only to find out later that it is a 1500 year old solid gold pendant worth a fortune. Yeah, unbelievable. To get that close to chocolate only to be disappointed. It’s a real bummer. She probably should have known it wasn’t a chocolate coin when she found it using a metal detector. --James Corden

At the Tour de France today the police were trying to control protestors at the race by spraying tear gas, but they held up the race because they accidentally sprayed the cyclists. See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Conspiracy theorists are up 37-0 (Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races)

At the Tour de France today the police were trying to control protestors at the race by spraying tear gas, but they held up the race because they accidentally sprayed the cyclists. See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races. --James Corden

It was revealed today that Donald Trump is using campaign donations and money from the Republican National Committee to help pay for his legal fees tied to the Russia investigation. Trump using campaign funds is not illegal but an unprecedented move by a sitting president and we all know how Donald Trump feels about anything unprecedented. He feels it's hard to spell. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Melania's bedroom door does the exact same thing (matching onesies)

Donald Trump just got a new $1.5 million limo. It fires tear gas, has night vision, and can lay down an oil slick to make anyone chasing it spin out of control. Even crazier, Melania's bedroom door does the exact same thing. --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that Gucci debuted a pair of leather underwear for men. Leather underwear. The designers were like, "How can we make a humid day a thousand times worse?" --Jimmy Fallon

Saudi Arabia just announced they will let women drive. Women say that they're excited, and can't wait to drive straight out of Saudi Arabia. –Jimmy Fallon

Earlier today at the U.N., Trump said he's planning another meeting with Kim Jong Un. He'd actually meet sooner but Trump's waiting for Amazon to deliver their matching onesies. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races (street slang for crystal meth)

In other Clinton news, her campaign manager, Robby Mook, said

in an interview on CNN that they are having a hard time finding

someone as "hateful" and "divisive" as Trump to go up against

Hillary in her practice debates. It seems like it'd be easy to prep

for a Trump debate — just get a parrot and train it to say three

things: "email," "wall," and "huge." –James Corden

The Idaho Department of Transportation has gotten rid of its 420-mile marker because stoners kept stealing it. The government is replacing the 420 signs with signs that read "Mile 419.9." They're going to be so upset when they realize that "419.9" is street slang for crystal meth. –James Corden

At the Tour de France today the police were trying to control protestors at the race by spraying tear gas, but they held up the race because they accidentally sprayed the cyclists. See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I came back for seconds (Number two: Kelly Ripa)

November 2013

"Forbes magazine has named evil Russian President Vladimir Putin as the most powerful person in the world. Vladimir Putin, the most powerful person in the world. Number two: Kelly Ripa." –David Letterman

"It's been a big year for Vladimir Putin. People magazine also named him the sexiest dictator alive." –David Letterman

"New Jersey re-elected Governor Chris Christie. Or as Christie put it, 'I came back for seconds.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Rand Paul has been accused of cheating in three separate instances. When asked about the charges, Paul said, 'Four score and seven years ago...'" –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races (too much body positivity)

At the Tour de France today the police were trying to control protestors at the race by spraying tear gas, but they held up the race because they accidentally sprayed the cyclists. See? Incidents like this are why I refuse to compete in 23-day bike races. --James Corden

They halted the race because of tear gas? That's the least dangerous chemical the average Tour de France rider has in their system. --James Corden

A man in New Hampshire was arrested after walking around a Planet Fitness gym completely naked. He defended himself by telling officers he thought it was a “judgment-free zone," because that's the gym's motto. So apparently, there is such a thing as too much body positivity. --James Corden

On the bright side, the rest of the gym members got some great cardio running out of the building screaming. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”