Gotta Go. The kids have chewed through their straps (or it will help you get a Kardashian)

January 2013

"We're $20 trillion in debt so somebody at the treasury department says that what we'll do is print a coin for a trillion dollars. I've seen a prototype. It has a beautiful profile of Regis Philbin." –David Letterman

"You can use the trillion-dollar coin to pay off the national debt, or it will help you get a Kardashian." –David Letterman

"What happened to the fiscal cliff? Are we on it or off it? Forget it. The debt ceiling is the brand new crisis. The fiscal cliff was just the warm-up, just for beginners, like a student film." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course, the Supreme Court has to rule whether it's constitutional (a bucket of pheasant McNuggets)

June 2012

"Regis Philbin will be hosting the fourth hour of the 'Today' show with Kathie Lee Gifford. Of course, the Supreme Court has to rule whether it's constitutional." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney wants to prove he's regular guy, so he was someplace and he ordered a bucket of pheasant McNuggets." –David Letterman

"President Obama has a new ad that hits Mitt Romney's business career by calling him an 'outsourcer-in-chief.' Romney responded with an ad of his own — made by an excellent company in India." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson on Live with Regis and Kelly

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun? (They called it 'white people.')

"First lady Michelle Obama told 'Regis & Kelly' she was expecting jewelry on Valentine's Day. She said it wouldn't be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he's spending his own money." –Jay Leno 

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush. President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

"Things did not go well at the White House St. Patrick's Day party. Did you hear what happened?  Dick Cheney shot a leprechaun." --Jay Leno

"A UCLA study shows 7% of people still believe in the Easter Bunny. I believe these are the same people who believe President Bush is doing a good job in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it 'white people.'" --Jay Leno 

"We're now down to the final four. Not college basketball. The number of people who still think President Bush is doing a good job." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is a journalist/This is a corporate shill (get off your lazy a--)

"Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak announced he won't run for another term. The bad news is that this spring he's taking over for Regis." –Conan O’Brien

"There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to open up a lead over Barack Obama. This is true. Yeah. The USA Today poll has McCain ahead by ten points. The 'CBS News' poll has the two tied. And the MSNBC poll says that Obama won the election last week." --Conan O'Brien

"This is a weird story. President Bush has apologized today for scolding a member of the White House press corps for wearing sunglasses because he found out the reporter is legally blind. Bush also apologized for telling physicist Stephen Hawking 'to get off your lazy a--.'" --Conan O'Brien

"At a joint press conference with President Bush, German Chancellor Angela Merkel called for a 'de-escalation of Mid-East violence.' Later, Bush called for both sides to 'de-angrify' and 'dehurt' each other." -Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It doesn't mean that politics won't take an interest in you (He is a miracle worker)

Monday night we had Dr. Phil on the show. You guys know, Dr. Phil? I’ve been making fun of the guy for half a year, never paying any attention to him. I just thought he was a guy with a show. Actually, he’s an amazing man. And thank God because I talked with him and I've been working with him ever since. And finally I'm beginning to cut down on the phone sex. He is a miracle worker. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

You folks know anything about this Robert Blake situation? Are you aware what's going on? Robert Blake has taped an interview with Barbara Walters against the advice of his lawyers. And I thought he murdered his wife against the advice of his lawyers. It’s the same thing. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

Boy you got to feel bad for President Bush. He’s he's really fed up with the UN's foot-dragging. You know he's really he's really had it, because he's very frustrated. He wants to attack Iraq and wipe them out before his one-term presidency is up. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

This is funny I love when stuff like this happens. Because of the blizzard, Regis Philbin could not get in to work to do a show. Regis couldn't figure out a way to get to work because of the blizzard and the producers panicked, and I'm thinking oh sure where are you going to find a guy who can sip coffee and chat. You’re pretty much screwed. --David Letterman 2/19/2003

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Ironically, do you know who bought it? (special episode of Regis and Kelly)

"No, Sarah Palin made some interesting points last night. She said when she was Governor of Alaska she got rid of the state’s luxury jet and put it on eBay. Ironically, do you know who bought it? John and Cindy McCain." --Jay Leno

"Palin said last night that John McCain had seen evil, but I didn’t even know Dick Cheney was at the convention." --Jay Leno

"And did you see McCain and Palin standing together? Didn’t it look like a special episode of 'Regis and Kelly?'" --Jay Leno

"No, Senator McCain already showing tremendous faith in Palin as his vice presidential nominee. Like, did you notice after the speech last night, he came on stage, finally signed that do-not-resuscitate order." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

The Buck Never Stops Here (Read My Lips)

"And then after the Sarah Palin speech, John McCain comes on stage. Did you see that moment when John McCain comes on stage? And you thought, whoa, something dramatic will happen, and it turned out he was just looking for his glasses." --David Letterman

"And then, earlier tonight, John McCain had his big acceptance speech. And, you know, I didn’t – I didn’t watch that because I’ll tell you why: if I want to see an old guy, if I want to see an old guy struggle with a teleprompter, you know, hell, I’ll watch Regis." --David Letterman

"What a week this has been. If you watched last night, I guess you know, Barack Obama got beat up by a girl. In her speech last night, Sarah Palin mocked Obama for giving speeches in front of adoring crowds and standing in front of a stage backdrop. Ironically, Palin did so in front of an adoring crowd standing in front of a stage backdrop." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

The next State of the Union address will be given by Co-Presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton

"It was the annual State of the Union address down in Washington. By the way, this is President Bush's last State of the Union address. The next State of the Union address will be given by Co-Presidents Bill and Hillary Clinton." --David Letterman

"You know, that's what everybody is worried about. They say that Bill will actually be calling the shots. They will be the co-presidents. And I'm thinking this is going to be tremendous. You know what it is going to be like? It's going to be like Regis and Kelly." --David Letterman

"President Bush is standing there giving his State of the Union, and behind him you can see  Dick Cheney and Nancy Pelosi sitting right behind the president. And man, what a strange, you know, it looks like a married couple waiting for their divorce to be final." --David Letterman

If for no other reason than the raw sexual tension

"After Larry King and Regis Philbin, Keith Olbermann is leaving television. Bad things always happen in threes — like the Jonas Brothers." –Craig Ferguson


"MSNBC has abruptly ended their relationship with Keith Olbermann, and according to his contract he's not allowed back on television for at least six months. Or as industry experts call it, The Conan." –Conan O'Brien




"Tomorrow is the State of the Union Address, and Republicans and Democrats will sit together intermingled, if for no other reason than the raw sexual tension." –Conan O'Brien