"The acting director of the Secret Service, Joseph Clancy,
said they may make the fence around the White House taller because of the
recent security failures. When asked if he had any other ideas, he said, 'Uh,
make the sidewalk lower?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"It's the 105th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address.
It's all Lincoln this, Lincoln that, Lincoln with his big hat, oh sure! But you
know who the unsung hero is? Lincoln's cue card guy." –David Letterman
"Today is Vice President Joe Biden's birthday! Biden
started the day with a dance party and a big piece of cake, and then he
remembered it was his birthday." –Seth Meyers
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