If this doesn't work out, he may never lose his virginity (That's just Willie Nelson)

The New York Mets signed ex-NFL player Tim Tebow to a minor league contract. Proof that God exists — or doesn't; I am not sure. If this doesn't work out, he may never lose his virginity. –Jimmy Kimmel

The use of marijuana by older Americans has skyrocketed. It is up 455 percent since 2002 — which, of course, is the year Oprah made it one of her Favorite Things. –Jimmy Kimmel

Among seniors 65 and older, monthly marijuana use is up 333 percent. That's just Willie Nelson. –Jimmy Kimmel