Dick Cheney isn't the only Republican who's locked and loaded (X-ray vision)

"Man, it is hot. It was so hot today Star Jones called Barbara Walters just for the cold shoulder." --David Letterman

"Last weekend Rush Limbaugh was arrested at an airport because he had illegal Viagra. So apparently, Dick Cheney isn't the only Republican who's locked and loaded." --David Letterman

"This week President Bush urged the Senate to give him line item veto power. Later the president said that line item veto power would be nice, but what he really wants is X-ray vision." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush is criticizing the New York Times for revealing how we track terrorists' money. He's also criticized the Times for not having the funny pages." --David Letterman

a Hummer the size of an elementary school (global warming s**t)

"We set an all-time record for power consumption here in California yesterday. Our governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, whom you may know from such movies as 'Kindergarten Cop,' has been urging Californians to try and conserve energy, which is interesting to hear from a guy who drives a Hummer the size of an elementary school." --Jimmy Kimmel

 "So hot today down in Washington, D.C., President Bush said, 'Maybe there is something with the global warming s**t.'" --David Letterman

"President Bush is back from the G-8 Summit over there in Russia. The G-8 Summit went very well. Today the world leaders announced they are still very close to finding a replacement for Star Jones." --David Letterman

"That's the big story, President Bush being recorded using a four-letter word at the G-8 Summit in Russia. At first everyone thought he had mispronounced the word 'Shiite.'" --Jay Leno