They said it's all part of their plan to sell zero magazines (And I don't own a cape)

"Yesterday at a campaign fundraiser, Hillary Clinton criticized Vice President Cheney and called him 'Darth Vader.' Cheney denied it and said, 'Darth Vader is evil, half-machine and always wears a cape. And I don't own a cape.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Radar magazine is causing a big controversy because the cover of their November issue features a doctored photo of a partially dressed Rudy Giuliani and a totally nude Hillary Clinton. Radar says it's all part of their plan to sell zero magazines." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday on '60 Minutes,' French President Nicolas Sarkozy got up and left in the middle of an interview. He just got up and stormed out. The citizens of France say their president acted rudely, and they've never been prouder." --Conan O'Brien

"Among the top Google searches of 2014 were Ebola and the movie 'Frozen.' One leaves you with something highly infectious that's impossible to get out of your system. The other is Ebola." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Little Engine That Could, Thanks to His High-Fiber Diet (I’m sure there’s a perfectly treasonable explanation)

President Trump’s son-in-law and adviser Jared Kushner reportedly met with executives from a Russian bank that was under U.S. sanctions during the 2016 presidential election. But I’m sure there’s a perfectly treasonable explanation. –Seth Meyers

"The official presidential candidate for the Ukrainian Internet Party is a man in a Darth Vader costume. Not to be confused with the president of Russia, who is Darth Vader in a man costume." –Seth Meyers

"The Department of Agriculture is encouraging grandparents to read their grandchildren bedtime stories about nutrition. Stories like 'Goodnight Kale,' 'James and the Giant Organic Peach,' and 'The Little Engine That Could, Thanks to His High-Fiber Diet.'" –Seth Meyers

A new alarm-clock app has launched that wakes users up with unconventional sounds like shattering glass, gunshots, and women screaming. Unfortunately, everyone in New York has learned to sleep through it. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’d grow a beard and dig a spider hole (Blatant or Systemic/They really like guns)

May 2021

“Liz Cheney was ousted via voice vote during a closed-door meeting. So we don’t know exactly what happened, but sources in the room say she made a defiant final speech that drew boos from her colleagues. But to be fair, Matt Gaetz boos any woman not wearing braces.” —Stephen Colbert

“Her principal political patron is a man who was compared to Darth Vader and took it as a compliment. She learned Washington infighting from a man who lived a year with no heartbeat. If I were Kevin McCarthy, I’d grow a beard and dig a spider hole.” —Stephen Colbert

“Liz Cheney’s refusal to dismiss Trump’s role in inciting the 6 January siege on the Capitol angered McCarthy, who insisted after Cheney’s ouster that the GOP remains a ‘big tent party.’ Oh it’s a big tent all right, there’s room for QAnons, Pizzagaters, people afraid Jewish space lasers, everyone’s welcome. Except Liz Cheney. And gay people, and Asian people. And black people. But we’re going to give them a separate but equal tent.” —Stephen Colbert

“They had to get rid of Liz Cheney! She was a loose cannon. They made her turn in her badge and her gun, and her other gun, and her other, other gun. They really like guns.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, the dude has been burned twice/He better not be vaping!/Did you know?

During Mr. Trump’s remarks on vaping, he told reporters that the first lady, Melania, had taken an interest in the subject because “she has a son” — an odd reference to the couple’s teenage son, Barron Trump. --Jimmy Fallon

“Or so I hear, I’ve not seen him for a while. He better not be vaping!” --Jimmy Kimmel  (as Trump)

“At least Darth Vader claimed his son. If Trump was the dark lord, he would be like, ‘Luke, she is your mother.’” --Trevor Noah

“The first lady has got a son — together. It’s a mutual son. Of course, I’m very involved with the doings of it, and so is the first lady, who is a lovely mother, together, who I love and know her name. So well that I won’t waste your time saying it out loud.” --Stephen Colbert (as Trump) 

“But, look, you can’t fault Trump for not being super eager to claim responsibility for his son. I mean, the dude has been burned twice.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Aaron Rodgers Halloween (I don't own a cape)

    

"Last night, yet another Democratic presidential debate. The Democratic presidential candidates took part in a debate sponsored by the senior citizen group AARP. To win over the crowd, each candidate came out strongly against the War of 1812." --Conan O'Brien

    

"Yesterday at a campaign fundraiser, Hillary Clinton criticized Vice President Cheney and called him 'Darth Vader.' Cheney denied it and said, 'Darth Vader is evil, half-machine and always wears a cape. And I don't own a cape.'" --Conan O'Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

You know what you are signing up for (grieving widows)

"Vicente Fox, the former president of Mexico, has a book coming out where he talks about George Bush. He said that Bush, the cowboy, is afraid of horses. Well actually, he's not afraid of them, but he had a bad experience. Back in college, a horse defeated him in a debate." --Bill Maher

"It's getting pretty nasty out there on the campaign trail. This week, Hillary Clinton referred to Vice President Dick Cheney as Darth Vader. And today, he demanded an apology. Not Dick Cheney, Darth Vader." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

where their spine used to be (NRA Jackpot!)

"The Democrat-controlled Congress' approval rating is now somewhere between rectal itch and that douchebag on the Internet who says 'leave Britney alone.' Their approval rating is 11%. 11%! They were so stunned at this number, the Democrats, that it sent a chill up and down where their spine used to be." --Bill Maher

"But, come on, it's not all bad. Hillary did call Dick Cheney Darth Vader. Which is very unfair, because Darth Vader would have caught bin Laden by now." --Bill Maher

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

he called Darth Vader a good dad (NRA Pay Window)

Hey, you guys, today is Columbus Day. But I read that some cities are observing Indigenous People’s Day instead. While most people said, “Call it whatever you want, as long as we get a mattress for 30 percent off.” That’s all we really want. –Jimmy Fallon

In his speech today, Trump called Christopher Columbus a skilled navigator. Then, at his Comic-Con speech, he called Darth Vader a good dad. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Fire and Fury! (Fake tan spray)

    

"How many arch conservatives are here tonight? Sam Brownback has quit the race for president. His supporter is devastated. Brownback said he couldn't raise enough money, he couldn't get enough support, and he got tired of carrying around that fetus in a jar. He said he knew he made the right decision to get out of the race when he sat down to tell his wife and she said, 'You're running for president?'" --Bill Maher

     

"Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are eighth cousins. Isn't that amazing? Even more amazing, Dick Cheney, Darth Vader -- second cousins." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

he ran into the real Darth Vader who was dressed as Dick Cheney (crowd size)

"Dick Cheney had an awkward moment tonight at the White House Halloween party. He went dressed as Darth Vader and at the party, he ran into the real Darth Vader who was dressed as Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

"There was another big Democratic debate last night in Philadelphia. There were seven candidates on the stage debating. Seven, which sadly for Joe Biden is the biggest crowd he's ever drawn." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

Back in college, a horse defeated him in a debate

"Rudy says he is not going to go to the 'black debate' this month with Tavis Smiley, and neither are the other Republican frontrunners. I think that's just as well. I don't think the Republicans are really that in tune with the black community, 'cause they asked Mitt Romney today what he thought of the Jena 6 and he said, 'I prefer The Jackson 5.'" --Bill Maher

"Vicente Fox, the former president of Mexico, has a book coming out where he talks about George Bush. He said that Bush, the cowboy, is afraid of horses. Well actually, he's not afraid of them, but he had a bad experience. Back in college, a horse defeated him in a debate." --Bill Maher

"It's getting pretty nasty out there on the campaign trail. This week, Hillary Clinton referred to Vice President Dick Cheney as  Darth Vader. And today, he demanded an apology. Not Dick Cheney, Darth Vader." --Jay Leno

it sent a chill up and down where their spine used to be

"The Democrat-controlled Congress' approval rating is now somewhere between rectal itch and that douchbag on the Internet who says 'leave Britney alone.' Their approval ratings is 11%. 11%! They were so stunned at this number, the Democrats, that it sent a chill up and down where their spine used to be." --Bill Maher

"But, come on, it's not all bad. Hillary did call  Dick Cheney Darth Vader.  Which is very unfair, because Darth Vader would have caught bin Laden by now." --Bill Maher

"Iran's president wanted to lay a wreath at Ground Zero, but his critics said, 'No, no. You are trying to exploit Ground Zero for political gain, and that is  Rudy Giuliani's job.'" --Bill Maher

Dick Cheney, Darth Vader -- second cousins.

"Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are eighth cousins. Isn't that amazing? Even more amazing, Dick Cheney, Darth Vader -- second cousins." --Jay Leno

"He was given the Medal of Freedom. As you know, the Dalai Lama does not engage in sex, drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Which raises the question, what was Congress honoring him for? This goes against everything Congress represents." --Jay Leno

"The Dalai Lama told President Bush that he had seen evil firsthand. President Bush said, “So you’ve already met Cheney?” –John Hulse

"Republican Senator Sam Brownback's campaign announced he will drop out of the presidential race tomorrow. Now the hard part, of course, is breaking the news to his supporter. I mean, the writing was on the wall. You knew it was going to happen. Like at the last presidential debate, the only question he got was, 'I'm sorry. What's your name again?'" --Jay Leno

Darth Vader was dressed as Dick Cheney (Lord of the Toilet Dance)

"Dick Cheney had an awkward moment tonight at the White House Halloween party. He went dressed as Darth Vader and at the party, he ran into the real Darth Vader who was dressed as Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

"With the help of the American Civil Liberties Union, restroom enthusiast  Idaho Senator Larry Craig will argue before an appeals court that his foot tapping was protected speech. He's calling himself 'Lord of the Toilet Dance.' I'm all for free speech, except in the men's room. In the men's room, I believe in no speech." --Jay Leno

"It looks like oil may soon hit a $100 a barrel. And today,  President Bush said, 'Well how much without the barrel?'" --Jay Leno

James and the Giant Organic Peach

"Officials in Finland say the Russian army is now conducting drills on its border. Or as Vladimir Putin calls that, 'window shopping.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The official presidential candidate for the Ukrainian Internet Party is a man in a Darth Vader costume. Not to be confused with the president of Russia, who is Darth Vader in a man costume." –Seth Meyers



"The Department of Agriculture is encouraging grandparents to read their grandchildren bedtime stories about nutrition. Stories like 'Goodnight Kale,' 'James and the Giant Organic Peach,' and 'The Little Engine That Could, Thanks to His High-Fiber Diet.'" –Seth Meyers

If you can't beat them..

"Texas Sen. Ted Cruz gave a 21-hour speech on the floor of the Senate during which he read Dr. Seuss' 'Green Eggs and Ham,' did an impression of Darth Vader, and admitted his love for White Castle. I'm not sure what Cruz's speech was arguing for, but I'm guessing legalizing weed." –Seth Meyers



"Republicans in Congress this week attempted to defund Obamacare before it begins open enrollment October 1. Because you know the old saying, 'If you can't beat them, kick the ball into the woods.'" –Seth Meyers