Advice from a guy that created a $450 billion deficit

"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is going to ask President Bush for help with the budget. What better way to deal with a $38 billion deficit than get advice from a guy that created a $450 billion deficit." —Jay Leno

"Jenna and Barbara Bush celebrated their 21st birthday last week with a party at the Cheers Shot bar in Austin. Following Bush tradition, the drinking started at 5 p.m. and will end in 19 years." —Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"President Bush's twin daughters, Barbara and Jenna, turned 21 on Monday. After receiving their birthday cake, Barbara and Jenna made a wish and then blew a .25 on the breathalyzer. The White House would not release a statement on how the twins celebrated the milestone, but they did say Dick Cheney's undisclosed location was totally trashed." —Craig Kilborn

"President Bush this week said that between going to war and raising twins, he'd pick war. His daughters Jenna and Barbara then sent him a big bag of pretzels for the Super Bowl." —Dennis Miller