Lenin and the Bolsheviks is also my favorite Russian skiffle band (that's what I love about our country)

September 2013

"Republican leaders have agreed to support President Obama's plan to attack Syria. See, that's what I love about our country. The only time Republicans and Democrats can agree on something is when it's time to bomb somebody." –Jay Leno

"If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers." –Jay Leno 

"The G-20 summit is being held in St. Petersburg, which used to be the Russian capital. But Lenin and the Bolsheviks felt it was too vulnerable, so they moved the capital to Moscow. Lenin and the Bolsheviks is also my favorite Russian skiffle band." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don Jr. tried to enlist in the Space Force (Christmas card for Putin)

Michael Cohen’s lawyers argued that in exchange for his cooperation with Mueller, Cohen should be spared prison for crimes he committed in an “abundance of enthusiasm for Trump.” So unlike the women he paid off for Trump, Cohen wasn’t faking it. --Stephen Colbert

Well, at the G20 summit, all the leaders signed a joint statement pledging to fight climate change, except for Trump. But they had a plan to get Trump to sign it -- they're gonna tell him that it's a Christmas card for Putin. --Jimmy Fallon

And get this -- I heard that Michael Cohen's decision to cooperate with Robert Mueller could put Donald Trump Jr. in serious legal trouble. You could tell Don Jr. is worried, because, today, he tried to enlist in the Space Force. --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Or, as we call it in this country, the vice president (Boy, did they get the wrong number)

"At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.'" --Jay Leno

"A lot of Americans don't understand the role of the queen. The queen is merely a figurehead. She wields no real political power. Or, as we call it in this country, the vice president." --Jay Leno

"The economy is horrible, isn't it? Just horrible. Every day there are little reminders that jump right in your face and remind you how bad the economy is. This morning, I wake up, I go downstairs. The Starbucks that was in my living room has closed. I go to Barnes and Noble, every book on sale in Barnes and Noble begins on Chapter 11. My retirement fund has lost so much value, it's now a 401K-Mart." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

What are the odds of a city having two reverends named Al Sharpton? (Michael Jordan's fantasy camp)

"New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg praised Reverend Al Sharpton, calling him a calming influence on the city. Wow! What are the odds of a city having two reverends named Al Sharpton?" --Seth Meyers

"This week, President Obama attended what was either the G-20 summit or his high school reunion. I haven't seen old white dudes this excited about meeting a black guy since Michael Jordan's fantasy camp." --Seth Meyers

"Michelle Obama was photographed in London wearing clothes from J-Crew, the store is selling out of the clothes she's been wearing. Now if someone could just get her to drive a Chrysler." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Please excuse Tyler. He was with me (You know Joe Biden has not sold a single car?)

"And the press is going crazy over First Lady Michelle Obama. They say she is the reason for the sleeveless fashion trend that is sweeping Europe. But President Bush spoke about this today. He said he is appalled by it. He said, 'Sleeveless? How does she wipe her nose?'" --Jay Leno

"At the big G-20 summit, President Obama met with the Chinese president, and they had the traditional exchanging of gifts. The Chinese do that. They exchange gifts. President Hu Jintao gave President Obama a gift made in China, and President Obama gave Hu a gift from America made in China." --Jay Leno

"And things are not going well with this auto bailout. President Obama called from England today to check on the status of it. You know Joe Biden has not sold a single car? Not one car since this whole thing started." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They are giving away a door prize. Yeah, this year, it's Iceland (smokin' hot wife!)

"Barack Obama is in London now, meeting with the G-20 countries, and the only thing that they have agreed on so far is that French President Sarkozy has a smokin' hot wife!" --David Letterman

"A lot of excitement there, though, at the G20 summit. They are giving away a door prize. Yeah, this year, it's Iceland." --David Letterman

"I like to contrast what President Obama is up to and what John McCain, his opponent in the general election, is up to. For example, Obama met with 17 political leaders from 11 nations. He will attend five summits in different countries around Europe. Today, comparatively speaking, John McCain watched his 89 Caddy go through the car wash." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Can I run the country while you're gone? Please, can I? (lead-based standard)

"And there was kind of an awkward moment yesterday as President Obama was leaving to go to the G-20 summit. Hillary Clinton called and said, 'Can I run the country while you're gone? Please, can I?'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, you hear about this? A voice from the past, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who may run for president in 2012, that's the rumor, has converted to Catholicism. So after a number of affairs, two divorces, and three marriages, how would you like to get stuck behind him for that first confession, huh?" --Jay Leno

"And China says it wants to replace the U.S. dollar with a new global currency. They want to move from a gold-based standard to a lead-based standard." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, that's the last time I go spear fishing with Dick Cheney (Hi, I'm not George Bush)

"Now here's a story. A guy in Brazil goes spear fishing, and he accidentally gets shot in his own head with the spear. Well, they operate on the guy. He's unconscious. They pull the spear out and he's going to be fine. And you know the first thing he said when he came to was, 'Well, that's the last time I go spear fishing with Dick Cheney.'" --David Letterman

"Barack Obama is taking his first overseas trip as president tomorrow. He is headed to the G20 economic summit. And he's been rehearsing his opening line to foreign leaders. 'Hi, I'm not George Bush. Hi, I'm not George Bush.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Fox News launched a new editorial website today that is based solely on reporters' opinions, not on the facts of the stories themselves. They're calling the site Fox News." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Gee, I remember worse news. It was called cancer (any time anyone said G20, he'd go, 'Bingo!')

"Actually, this is highly unusual for the government to take this kind of action. I mean, the closest the previous administration came to getting involved in the car industry was Bush using jumper cables to jump-start Dick Cheney's heart." --Jay Leno

"See, I feel confident that it'll go well, because President Obama is very good with these economic leaders. He is a very good speaker, of course, and a good speech writer. See, the problem with President Bush was when he went to the summit, any time anyone said G20, he'd go, 'Bingo!'" --Jay Leno

"Now, I don't know if anybody here is a smoker. I hope you're not. But did you know tomorrow, the single-largest tobacco tax in history goes into effect? And I was listening to the radio. I had talk radio coming in this morning. A smoker was complaining, 'This is the worst news for smokers ever.' The worst news. Really? Gee, I remember worse news. It was called cancer. Wasn't it, huh? Wasn't that a little bit worse than an extra buck a pack?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, give it a couple years and it might be a documentary (Bus on fire)

President Trump said yesterday that he went to speak with Vladimir Putin at the G20 summit dinner because he was seated next to the wife of Japanese Prime Minister Abe, who spoke no English. Which means they had at least one thing in common. –Seth Meyers

Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk claims he has gotten verbal approval to connect New York, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Washington with a high-speed train that runs in an airless tube. While the New York City subway just introduced brand-new rotary phones. –Seth Meyers

The creators of HBO’s “Game of Thrones” announced they are developing a new show that imagines what it would be like if the Confederacy successfully seceded from the United States. Well, give it a couple years and it might be a documentary. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

I can't figure out why else you would need 13 phones (Stair Force One)

The president is there for his very last G20 Summit. So, the next time he talks international economics, it'll be with a really bored person at a party. –Stephen Colbert

There was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting, when Chinese officials wouldn't let President Obama get off Air Force One using the normal staircase, or "Stair Force One". I hope that's what they call it. –Stephen Colbert

Have you heard about the latest FBI report on Hillary Clinton's emails? Probably not, because they put it out the Friday before Labor Day. You couldn't hide that news more if you welded it inside a lead capsule and fired it into the heart of the sun. –Stephen Colbert

One of the big revelations of this latest email dump is that Secretary Clinton didn't use just one smartphone in office as she originally claimed, she used up to 13 different mobile devices in four years. Madam Secretary, tell the truth. Are you a crack dealer? Because I can't figure out why else you would need 13 phones. –Stephen Colbert