He was actually wearing pants (Well, how you can tell the difference?)

"Anybody snowed in the big blizzard? Like, over two feet, down there in Washington, D.C. D.C. completely ground to a halt. Absolutely nothing going on. Well, how you can tell the difference?" –David Letterman

"It was so cold in Washington that the new senator from Massachusetts, Scott Brown, was actually wearing pants." –David Letterman

"You know who I am talking about? The new senator from the state of Massachusetts. Before he got into politics, he had two jobs. He was a go-go boy. And he was also a nude model. And they swore him in last week. It was a moving ceremony. He put his hand on a copy of 'Cosmo.'" –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He seems to be very confused (grand old package)

"I guess everybody knows that Scott Brown posed naked for Cosmo when he was a law student. See, back then, the GOP stood for 'grand old package.'" –Jay Leno

"Well, in political news, the big upset. A Republican was elected to the U.S. Senate in Massachusetts, filling a seat once held by Ted Kennedy. So, this could tip the delicate balance of power in the U.S. Senate from the completely incompetent back to the morally corrupt." –Jay Leno

"And learning more and more about the new Massachusetts senator, Scott Brown. Well, you probably know this. Back in 1982, he posed naked for Cosmo. Yeah, isn't that amazing? He's got it backwards. First you get elected to the Senate, then you get caught with your pants down. It's the other way. He seems to be very confused." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

11 Ways to Stimulate His Interstitium (I'm not overweight, I'm just big-interstitiumed)

There was some exciting science news today, researchers say they discovered a new human organ they are calling the interstitium. It's a layer underneath the skin and they believe it's the largest organ in the human body. Now, is it me, or should this have been discovered earlier? Human bodies have been around for ages. This feels like more of a Year Five discovery, doesn't it? --James Corden

But the discovery of the interstitium is very exciting. It allows someone like me to say, “No, I'm not overweight, I'm just big-interstitiumed.” --James Corden

Apparently the last story Cosmopolitan ran was just way too explicit. It was “11 Ways to Stimulate His Interstitium.” --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

So, your dad is Donald Trump, right? (it came free on their punch card)

The Duggars, of the TV show “19 Kids and Counting,” are adopting a 20th child. Not because they wanted one, but because it came free on their punch card. –Conan O’Brien

Ivanka Trump cut short an interview with Cosmo because of what she said was all the “negativity.” Which is weird because all the interviewer said was, “So, your dad is Donald Trump, right?” –Conan O’Brien

Recent polling has shown that Hillary Clinton’s lead over Donald Trump has almost totally disappeared and the candidates are basically tied. They’re neck and neck. Well, for Hillary it’s the neck. For Trump it’s more like a gizzard thing. –James Corden

America, you have got to buck up. Look, I understand India, China — they are overpopulated and they are polluted. But America, you guys are like, “Ew, there’s no Wi-Fi at this restaurant. How am I supposed to Snapchat my sliders? I’m sad now.” –James Corden

first tortoise in history to be drafted into the NBA (Oregon’s “right to die” law)

Ivanka Trump abruptly ended an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine because she felt the questions were “unfair.” Of course it’s understandable, most of us wither under the intense political grilling of Cosmopolitan magazine. –Conan O’Brien

A woman in Oregon who was hospitalized for E. coli after eating Chipotle is suing the company for free Chipotle. It’s all part of Oregon’s “right to die” law. –Conan O’Brien

A 100-year-old tortoise named Diego has now fathered over 800 offspring. Which is why today, he was the first tortoise in history to be drafted into the NBA. –Conan O’Brien