Chris Brown threw a bag out his window containing weapons and drugs (VMA gift bags)

During a standoff yesterday, outside his home, singer Chris Brown reportedly threw a duffel bag out his window containing weapons and drugs later recovered by the police. I guess the VMA gift bags were pretty crazy this year. –Seth Meyers

A new Earth-like planet has been discovered a few months before an election where Donald Trump could be president. If that's not perfect timing, I don't know what is. –James Corden

"Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental." --David Letterman