The biggest psychological operation in the history of mankind (the worst publicity we've ever had)

JD Vance is releasing a book about his conversion to Catholicism. The Catholic Church is calling it, "Somehow the worst publicity we've ever had.” —Colin Jost

According to reports, Iranian hackers are launching sophisticated cyber attacks on hospitals and healthcare organizations. But the joke's on them because our healthcare system is so busted that nobody noticed. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh man, am I going to have to testify, too? (a tickle fight that got out of control)

“Yep, the House is moving forward with impeachment and now
it’s looking like Trump could be impeached before Christmas.
But, if he behaves, Nancy will let Trump open one of his charges
on Impeachment Eve.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Democrats are now deciding which, which of President Trump’s
crimes to include in the articles of impeachment. They have to
decide, yeah. So far they’ve got bribery, obstruction of justice
and fathering Don Jr.” --Conan O’Brien

“Today Nancy Pelosi said she doesn’t hate the president because
she’s a Catholic and Catholics don’t hate people. I just want to
say as a lifelong Catholic, I thought that was the funniest [expletive]
thing I’ve ever heard in my life. What is she talking about? We hate
everybody.” --Conan O’Brien

“We Catholics don’t hate anyone, O.K.? We are not allowed to. We
don’t hate anyone. That’s why we waged 11 crusades: to remind
those people how much we love them. The Inquisition was just
a tickle fight that got out of control.” --Stephen Colbert

“During her press conference, Pelosi said that she prays for Trump. And then Trump responded on Twitter and said that he doesn’t believe her. And God heard that and was like, ‘Oh man, am I going to have to testify, too?’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I’ve discovered an eighth deadly sin, and it’s fantastic. (shooting arrows at people while wearing a diaper)

As you know, I’m a Catholic, but I don’t get to church much these days because there’s no omlette bar. --Stephen Colbert

I’ve discovered an eighth deadly sin, and it’s fantastic. --Stephen Colbert

Everyone says “The early bird gets the worm,” but then everybody freaks out when I drink tequila at 8:00 a.m. --Stephen Colbert

I have very dry skin, but it’s not mine. --Stephen Colbert

Call me a Valentine’s Day traditionalist, but I just really like shooting arrows at people while wearing a diaper. --Stephen Colbert

This afternoon, Trump got his annual physical, which will be followed by his annual vegetable. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

We must change things, because we cannot accept the way they are (much of it legally)

    

Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live: "Former Senator and actor Fred Thompson said Monday that he had been certain of Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction prior to the 2003 U.S.-led invasion. He added, [on screen: Chase falls asleep and snores]. While campaigning in New Hampshire, Rudy Giuliani insisted that his core support is from the evangelical voters because they know where he stands on the issues. While he can appeal to Mormons because he's had a few wives, Catholics will be drawn to him because his son hates him. He personally finds abortion morally repugnant, but feels that women should have the right to choose to divorce him. Meanwhile, Republican Mitt Romney, who is polling ever so close in the polls, admitted that his given name is Rubber Mittens, and that he does indeed comb his hair with olive oil and a fork. Hillary Clinton's campaign announced Monday that it raised over $27 million in the last quarter -- much of it legally."

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

you know what $700 billion buys? It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen

Former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon gave an odd interview to Charlie Rose where he criticized the Catholic Church, saying they had been terrible on the issue of immigration and that they need illegal aliens to fill their churches. This is just in case you had any doubt that Steve Bannon is literally the Antichrist. –James Corden

Now in the same interview he referred to himself as Donald Trump's wing man. I don't know. Steve Bannon as Donald Trump's wing man? Can you imagine sitting in a bar, someone sends you a drink. You look over and it's these two [shows pic of grinning Trump and Bannon]. You're like, “No, send it back! Send it back!” –James Corden

     

"You know, the interesting thing is, these numbers are so big that people can't even comprehend them. Like $700 billion. See, the best way to understand large amounts of money is to think of it in terms of what it can buy. For example, you know what $700 billion buys? It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

JOKES: Not to be confused with “The Voice,” which deals with crimes against music committed by teenagers

President Trump gave his first speech to a joint session of Congress last night, and good news, everybody, he’s normal now! So our work here is done. When you tune in tomorrow night, this will be a cooking show. –Seth Meyers

President Trump last night announced the creation of a department called “VOICE,” which will deal specifically with crimes committed against Americans by immigrants. Not to be confused with “The Voice,” which deals with crimes against music committed by teenagers. –Seth Meyers

Chocolate maker Hershey is reportedly expecting to cut its global workforce by about 15 percent. That’s right, for the first time ever, chocolate is giving up people for Lent. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Pope Francis is missing (wage stealers)

In Beijing, because pollution has reached 35 times the safety level, children have been ordered to stay home. This could mean a delay for anyone who ordered a new iPhone. –Conan O’Brien

Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien

This is the first speaker of the house to have any facial hair since Republican Frederick Jillette, who led the house from 1919 until 1925! Now incidentally, Paul Ryan is also the first politician in 100 years to have a beard that isn't his wife. –James Corden

"Congress gave itself a big raise this week and voted against the minimum wage, which is kind of ironic. I mean if anybody should getting minimum wage, it's Congress." --Jay Leno

Bob Dylan and Keith Richards (three séances)

Analysts are speculating that communication between Donald Trump and his campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, has become practically nonexistent. They say if she spoke to Trump any less, they’d be married. –Conan O’Brien

A new report in Indiana has found that thousands of dead people are still registered to vote. Which explains why today, Donald Trump held four rallies and three séances. –Conan O’Brien

The Vatican has issued new guidelines on cremation, saying Catholics must bury the ashes in a cemetery. Which is too bad, because I wanted my ashes to be a secret ingredient on the show “Chopped.” –Conan O’Brien

Koch Brothers Launch Holy War Against Pope Francis

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Koch Brothers Launch Holy War Against Pope Francis

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html