Make no mistake:
You turn on the Weather Channel, try to find out what’s going on, you see the
meteorologists giving advice, telling you to be careful — make no mistake,
those people are not on your side. Those people are rooting AGAINST us and FOR
the weather, they’re rooting for the snow. –Jimmy Kimmel
If you are away on
spring break, have fun, do whatever you need to do. Don’t forget Congress is
about to take away your healthcare, so if you’re going to do something dumb, do
it now while it’s still covered. –Jimmy Kimmel
"The United States
Senate today took some steps to keep illegal immigrants out of our 'American
Idol' competitions. They voted to build a 370-mile long fence along the border
between the U.S. and Mexico. They also announced that they're going to hire
illegal immigrant workers to build it. The Senators voted overwhelmingly for
the fence. As I said, it is 370 miles long. Unfortunately, the actual border
with Mexico is more than 2,000 miles long. So, I guess the message is 'go
around.' Tentatively, they're calling it 'The Great Wall of Chimichanga.'"
--Jimmy Kimmel
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