most of his words are slurs (fake chews)

Towards the end of the speech on Israel today, President Trump began to slur his words, leading some to speculate that he may have been wearing dentures. But the White House insists that it's nothing unusual and that most of his words are slurs. –Seth Meyers

I can't believe both our first and our last president had fake teeth. Or as Trump calls dentures, "fake chews." –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You do not want to be the poor man's Sammy Hagar (slavery leaves a mark)

"The race for the Democratic nomination moved yesterday to Mississippi where Senator Barack Obama defeated Senator Clinton by 61% to 37%. Second win in a row for Obama. Clearly gaining momentum. Major night for his campaign [on screen: montage of news anchors and pundits saying Obama's win was expected]. There you have it, if the media isn't surprised something is going to happen, it does not count. Actually, there was one shocking result [on screen: FNC's Sean Hannity saying, 'Nine to one African-Americans voted for Barack Obama. 76% of the white voters go for Hillary. What are we to make of those two things?] That slavery leaves a mark." --Jon Stewart

[On Bush saying Porter Goss 'led ably'] "Ouch. That guy must have sucked. I mean for god sakes, Mike Brown drowned New Orleans and he got 'heckuva job.' George Tenet thought WMDs were a slam dunk. He got the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Led ably? I think the last guy who was said to have led ably was Gary Cherone when he took over Van Halen. You do not want to be the poor man's Sammy Hagar." --Jon Stewart

"Meanwhile, on the Republican side, yesterday John McCain visited President George W. Bush to be passed the torch, a torch that the president most likely broke and crazy glued back together hoping no one would notice." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Also, do not play with the lion's mouth, you will regret it immediately (Also, you drink it now)

Donald Trump responded by punching caps lock and flooring it! "To Iranian President Rouhani: NEVER, EVER THREATEN THE UNITED STATES AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER A COUNTRY THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF VIOLENCE & DEATH. BE CAUTIOUS!" Yes, be cautious! You cross Donald Trump, and you're gonna get what the other dictators got: a friendly summit, a handshake, and, if you're not careful, an invitation to the White House. --Stephen Colbert

Hassan Rouhani also warned Trump “not to play with the lion's tail, because you will regret it eternally." That's just good advice. Also, do not play with the lion's mouth, you will regret it immediately. --Stephen Colbert

There's so much surplus meat that pork processors recently have reduced some hours at plants, and some plants even have turned away hogs. Ugh, can you imagine being a hog trying to get past the velvet rope at the slaughterhouse? "Come on, man, my cousin's already in there. He's a giant hog. Man, this is whack, I cleaned all the mud off myself for nothing." All of this surplus meat has led to a desperate new ad campaign: "Beef: It's what's for dinner. And breakfast, and lunch. Also, you drink it now." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska (And you know what’s weird, she didn’t even thank me)

"Sarah Palin’s not bad looking. She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels and a bikini. All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska." --Jimmy Kimmel

“I gave my Beanie Baby collection up for no reason at all." –Jimmy Kimmel, on the Rapture not happening

I have to say I’m very proud of myself. I made sure my wife had a great Mother’s Day. I got up early. I got up at 7 a.m. I quietly slipped out of bed. I left the house, didn’t come back until nighttime. That way she could have the whole day with the kids, just her and a 2-year-old and an infant. And you know what’s weird, she didn’t even thank me. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Hey, the Republican Convention is still going wild in scenic St. Paul, Minnesota right now. Alaska Governor and Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin was the star speaker tonight. A lot of excitement. She promised a walrus in every igloo and a whale tooth in every papoose." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the ambulance crew fired Roth and replaced him with Sammy Hagar (Since 1972)

It’s been reported that David Lee Roth is now working as a paramedic on a New York City ambulance. Unfortunately earlier today the ambulance crew fired Roth and replaced him with Sammy Hagar. --Conan O’Brien 11/16/2004

He’s fine now, but Dick Cheney went to the hospital yesterday after experiencing shortness of breath. The doctors asked Cheney when he first noticed this and he said, “1972.” --Conan O’Brien 11/16/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska (Hindsight is 2020)

"I think this is pertinent because McCain has been running this campaign based on 'We're at war, it's a dangerous world out there. The democrats don't get that. I John McCain am the only one standing between the blood-thirsty Al Qaedas and you. But if I die, this stewardess can handle it.'" –Bill Maher

"When they were vetting her for this job, like three seconds ago, she said, quote, I'm not making this up, 'What is it exactly that the VP does every day?' Let me field that for you, Sarah. They start wars, they enrich their friends, they subvert the Constitution, and they shoot people in the face. That's what the vice president does." –Bill Maher

"She's not bad looking. She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels and a bikini. All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

You do not want to be the poor man's Sammy Hagar (giving bad intelligence to his family)

"The director of the CIA, Porter Goss, resigned, surprisingly. I guess on Friday he resigned. He said he wanted to spent more time giving bad intelligence to his family." --David Letterman

[On Bush saying Porter Goss 'led ably'] "Ouch. That guy must have sucked. I mean for god sakes, Mike Brown drowned New Orleans and he got 'heckuva job.' George Tenet thought WMDs were a slam dunk. He got the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Led ably? I think the last guy who was said to have led ably was Gary Cherone when he took over Van Halen. You do not want to be the poor man's Sammy Hagar." --Jon Stewart

"It's sad, really. I mean, I remember a time when the CIA would assassinate heads of state, install "puppet governments. If you wanted a coup, they were number one on your speed dial. Now days, most mental patients don't even think the CIA are the ones who put microchips in their brain. Don't think they can pull it off. Now they blame professional hockey. It's just embarrassing" --Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee