Militarization of the federal budget (pudding fingers)

“Ron DeSantis met with his advisers, and they were, like, ‘Ron, how do we put this? There’s a better chance of you being a judge on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” than being president of the United States.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“It’s estimated that Ron DeSantis spent $2,263 per vote he got. It literally would have been cheaper to buy each of his supporters a Peloton bike.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I don’t understand why Americans didn’t rally behind a guy who declared war on the Magic Kingdom, attacked trans kids, denied Covid, kidnapped migrants and flew them to Martha’s Vineyard, and ate pudding with his fingers.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the best way to give my hair this amazing volume (Hey, can I film this?)

October 2022

A popular Peloton instructor is suing the company for nearly $2 Million alleging that an executive mocked him for being Irish. In response the executive counter sued him for all the treasure in his pot of gold. —Colin Jost

A United Airlines passenger who was high on mushrooms assaulted two flight attendants. While over at Spirit Airlines, bath salts are the in-flight snack. —Colin Jost

 Researchers say the number of gray whales off western North America has continued to decline for several years. It’s a sad fact that makes me wonder if whale oil is really the best way to give my hair this amazing volume. —Colin Jost

A video has gone viral of a doctor removing nearly two dozen contact lenses from a woman’s eye that she had forgotten were in there. And you know that you messed up when your doctor is like, ‘Hey, can I film this?’ —Colin Jost

Border officials have discovered $400,000 worth of meth hidden inside pumpkins. They could tell the pumpkins were full of meth because they only had three teeth left. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No, because Cameron and Lauren’s romance destroyed me! (It’s virus versus virus right now)

“President Trump is concerned, not necessarily for health reasons, but because the Dow was down almost 1,200 points today. It was the worst one-day drop ever in the history of the stock market. And a soft economy could hurt his chances for re-election. It’s virus versus virus right now.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Yes, the stock market is tanking right now, except for stocks like Peloton and Netflix, because those companies win when people don’t leave their houses. Yeah, but I still think these companies need to innovate to keep up with the virus, you know? Like usually, if you’ve been bingeing ‘Love Is Blind’ for 10 hours, a screen pops up and asks, ‘Are you still watching?’ Yeah, but going forward, it should probably say ‘Are you still alive?’ And the answer is probably ‘No, because Cameron and Lauren’s romance destroyed me!’” —Trevor Noah

“But I don’t get why Peloton is blowing up. There’s no point in exercising during the apocalypse. Yeah, because when you finally go outside, you have a six-pack but no one there to appreciate it.” —Trevor Noah

“That’s the only thing Trump cares about, the stock market. For one thing, it’s very easy to understand, there’s no reading involved. All you have to do is look at the little arrow on the bottom of the TV and find out whether it’s red or green.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You’d better keep it tighter than the babysitter (quietly transfer him to a different presidency)

Nancy Pelosi was asked if she hates President Trump. She said as a Catholic that she didn’t hate anybody. As a Catholic I know, there’s always one person you hate. Yourself. Also, the Catholic approach wou;dn’t be to impeach Trump. It would be to quietly transfer him to a different presidency. --Colin Jost

Peloton is being called sexist for a new ad showing a wife obsessively using a Peloton bike her husband gave her. At least they decided not to use the slogan, “Peloton. You’d better keep it tighter than the babysitter.” --Colin Jost

The parents of a toddler in Great Britain say he’s obsessed with a hairstyling mannequin head and he carries it everywhere. It’s an adorable habit that his parents will look back on wistfully when they are watching him be sentenced for multiple murders. --Colin Jost

A German woman is under investigation after she was told to leave the tram for not having a ticket and she sprayed the worker with her breast milk. The worst part was the worker just stood there with his mouth wide open. --Colin Jost

A dog in England started a house fire after he jumped on the counter and accidentally turned on the microwave. Ok, if it was such an accident, how come the microwave had a cat in it? --Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”