Nancy Pelosi was asked if she hates President Trump. She said as a Catholic that she didn’t hate anybody. As a Catholic I know, there’s always one person you hate. Yourself. Also, the Catholic approach wou;dn’t be to impeach Trump. It would be to quietly transfer him to a different presidency. --Colin Jost
Peloton is being called sexist for a new ad showing a wife obsessively using a Peloton bike her husband gave her. At least they decided not to use the slogan, “Peloton. You’d better keep it tighter than the babysitter.” --Colin Jost
The parents of a toddler in Great Britain say he’s obsessed with a hairstyling mannequin head and he carries it everywhere. It’s an adorable habit that his parents will look back on wistfully when they are watching him be sentenced for multiple murders. --Colin Jost
A German woman is under investigation after she was told to leave the tram for not having a ticket and she sprayed the worker with her breast milk. The worst part was the worker just stood there with his mouth wide open. --Colin Jost
A dog in England started a house fire after he jumped on the counter and accidentally turned on the microwave. Ok, if it was such an accident, how come the microwave had a cat in it? --Michael Che
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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