Several days ago, President Trump said an American aircraft carrier was heading towards North Korea, but it turns out it was sailing in the opposite direction. It’s the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor. –Conan O’Brien
Amherst College has decided to get rid of its mascot, Lord Jeff, because Jeffery Amherst famously gave smallpox-infected blankets to Native Americans. Amherst’s new mascot is Chipotle. –Conan O’Brien
Today, President Trump signed an executive order authorizing the building of the border wall. It’s guaranteed to keep out all Mexicans unless they get their hands on a ladder or a shovel. –Conan O’Brien
"Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy." –Conan O'Brien
President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien
"Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis says Governor Chris Christie canceled a position for him when he did something Christie didn't like. When asked what he did, Lewis said 'a sit-up.'" –Conan O'Brien
"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
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