When I say that, I get in trouble.

I don't know if anybody was watching the Benghazi hearings. They were going all day. There was one moment when a representative told Hillary Clinton he could wait while she read her notes. She said, “I can do more than one thing at a time.” Then Bill Clinton said, "When I say that, I get in trouble." –Conan O’Brien

The Chinese community, the Communist Party has banned gluttony, excessive drinking and adultery. Now hey, if you guys don't want American tourists, just say so! –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, the Chicago Cubs were knocked out of the baseball playoffs. Just swept, knocked out. Or as it’s known in Chicago, the first sign of winter. That's how they know. It's right up there with the first frost. –Conan O’Brien

The unthinkable has happened, the Mets are going to the World Series. Last night, a four-game sweep of the Chicago Cubs. Mets haven't won a World Series since 1986. The world was a lot different in 1986. We thought "Crocodile Dundee" was a good movie. –Jimmy Kimmel