Trump is now currently working on plans to build an enormous needle

Yesterday, Donald Trump told the crowd in Iowa, "I am a great Christian." If you have to tell people you're a great Christian, you might not be a great Christian. Jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. Which is why Donald Trump is now currently working on plans to build an enormous needle. –Jimmy Kimmel

Ben Carson's strongest support comes from evangelical Christians, a group that Donald Trump has had real trouble with, evidently. People who read the Bible just don't want to follow someone who looks that much like a golden calf. –Stephen Colbert

Earlier this week Donald Trump received the endorsement of one of America's great political minds. Remember, Mike Tyson once bit a man's ear off on national television — and endorsing Donald Trump is the craziest thing he has ever done. –James Corden

The only acceptable time to take advice from a man with a face tattoo is if you're wondering how to hide a body. –James Corden