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Thursday, October 1, 2015

Dude, you're the reason I'm not coming back



In a new interview, Justin Bieber said he wants to "live like Jesus." In response, Jesus said, "Dude, you're the reason I'm not coming back." –Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump came out with this proposal for a new tax plan yesterday. Just like a real presidential candidate would do! It's kind of adorable. –Jimmy Kimmel
Trump plans to raise taxes on the very rich — which doesn't include him because he's very, VERY rich. –Jimmy Kimmel
Under Trump you won't have to pay any income taxes if you make less than $25,000 a year, if you and your spouse make under $50,000 a year, and if you capture an illegal Mexican you won't pay any taxes at all. –Jimmy Kimmel
When asked today if his low poll numbers would make him consider dropping out of the presidential race, Senator Lindsey Graham told reporters, “Hell no.” Which, also, incidentally, is his poll number. –Seth Meyers


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