I guess my bologna really does have a first name.

The New York Mets are in the World Series! Which means a lot of New Yorkers are going to stand in front of a mirror today and practice saying, “I’ve ALWAYS had this hat.” –Seth Meyers

Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. It was the first time anyone has ever blown out the candles on a birthday cake and NOBODY wondered what they wished for. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said in an interview this weekend that Iraq is the “Harvard of terrorism.” And he’s got a point: The only reason George W. Bush got into Iraq is because his dad went there. –Seth Meyers

Researchers somewhere studied 75 brands of hot dogs and found some of them contained human DNA. I guess my bologna really does have a first name. –Stephen Colbert