He said he wanted to spend more time lying to his family (I hope he's up to the job)

"Al Gore is coming out with a movie about global warming called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' It's described as a detailed scientific view of global warming. President Bush said he just saw a film about global warming, 'Ice Age 2; The Meltdown.' He said, 'It's so much better than that boring Al Gore movie.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush creating thousands of new jobs. The bad news, they're all in the White House. As you know, staff members have been leaving the White House in droves. Today, press secretary Scott McClellan stepped down. He said he wanted to spend more time lying to his family." --Jay Leno

"In true McClellan style, he then neither confirmed nor denied reports of a White House leak that instructed him not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out. As they say, it's hard out there for a press secretary. There is no word yet on who will fill McClellan's shoes, although one rumored candidate is Tony Snow, a correspondent at Fox News. In other words, the White House is considering paying a Fox News reporter to tell the public what they want the public to hear. I hope he's up to the job." --Jon Stewart