https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
Wednesday, March 30, 2022
She placed a wreath on the grave of General Tso, the creator of spicy chicken (He's filling in for Dennis Rodman)
March 2014
"It's not every night that we get a great audience. Last night, we had an ugly crowd. Halfway through the show, they voted to join Russia." –David Letterman
"Vladimir Putin was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and two weeks later he invaded Crimea. So here's what the United States did. They tossed him out of the G-8 meetings. Really? I mean, that's like being told you can't go to the Daytime Emmys." –David Letterman
"President Obama went to the G-8 meetings. He's filling in for Dennis Rodman." –David Letterman
"First lady Michelle Obama is in China right now. Today she was busy doing some official business. She placed a wreath on the grave of General Tso, the creator of spicy chicken." –David Letterman
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Which is why now every morning the Pope makes his assistant start the Popemobile (That was a bad idea)
March 2014
"One of President Obama's secret service agents is in trouble now after getting drunk and passing out in a hotel hallway. In his defense, it's spring break! He was wearing a helmet with a beer on either side. That was a bad idea." –Conan O'Brien
"The first lady is in China. During her trip, Michelle Obama fed panda bears. Like most people the first lady feeds, the bears politely ate the bamboo and then had a cheeseburger the minute she left." –Conan O'Brien
"In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted he has three sexist bones and his spine is homophobic. " –Conan O'Brien
"In a speech, Pope Francis criticized the Mafia and urged its members to repent. Which is why now every morning the Pope makes his assistant start the Popemobile." –Conan O'Brien
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
So basically, New York subway rules (Hookers? What are those?)
March 2022
“While the select committee looks into whether Trump used a burner phone, Trump released a statement saying: ‘I have no idea what a burner phone is, to the best of my knowledge I have never even heard of the term.’ Which is interesting, because his former national security adviser John Bolton today revealed that he and Trump have spoken about how people use burner phones. Whenever Trump doesn’t know about something, he claims to know everything about it, like ‘I know more about windmills than everybody.’ When it comes to things he might get in trouble for, all of a sudden he goes, ‘burner phones? Never heard of them. Hookers? What are those?’” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Peace talks between Russia and Ukraine in Istanbul have shown marginal progress, but the vibes at these meetings have been very uneasy. According to reports, Ukraine warned its negotiators not to eat, drink or touch anything out of poison concerns. So basically, New York subway rules.” —Stephen Colbert
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Every joke is a tiny revolution (which White House toilet did he flush them down?)
“The House committee investigating the events of Jan. 6, 2021, reported a seven-hour gap in President Donald J. Trump’s phone records, including the time of the Capitol riot. Seven hours. I don’t know if anyone else is a fan of the show ‘Dateline,’ but if your phone records are missing even 10 minutes, you’re guilty.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Even the ghost of Richard Nixon is like, ‘I don’t think you can do that.’” —Jimmy Fallon
“The only time there should be a seven-hour gap is when you’re trying to remember what happened on St. Patrick’s Day.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Instead, for all of those hours, all the White House phone records just say, ‘Scam likely.’” —Stephen Colbert
“And now after making the discovery, the House committee is investigating whether Trump used burner phones. It’s always reassuring when a president acts like a character in ‘The Wire.’” —Jimmy Fallon
“Trump denied it, saying, ‘I’ve never had a burner phone. I’ve had a couple of burner wives, but no burner phones.’” —James Corden
“So now the big question is, which White House toilet did he flush them down?” —Jimmy Kimmel
“I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, he already has a burner son.” —Stephen Colbert
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Why are you doing it that way? (There are no winners)
“Yep, in just a split second, the Oscars went from Oscar de la Renta to Oscar De La Hoya, you know?” —Jimmy Fallon
“The 94th Academy Awards were held last night and featured the first live performance of ‘We Don’t Talk About Bruno,’ from the Disney musical ‘Encanto,’ followed by an unbelievable live performance of ‘We Don’t Talk About Jada.’” —Seth Meyers
“Seriously, you know it was a strange award show when it ends with a statement from the L.A.P.D., you know what I’m saying?” —Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
It hurts more than a punch, I promise you. (Wait, I forgot about ‘Wild Wild West.’)
“Let me say something as an objective observer: It’s never OK to punch a comedian. I’ve got to say, Will Smith was offended by the joke and wanted to stand up to his wife. Fine. Challenge Chris to a duel or, if you really want to hit him, don’t laugh. It hurts more than a punch, I promise you.” —Stephen Colbert
“That’s the worst thing Will Smith has ever done. Wait, I forgot about ‘Wild Wild West.’” —Stephen Colbert
“I’m kidding, obviously. The worst thing he’s ever done is ‘Gemini Man.’ Someone should slap both of the guys in that movie.” —Stephen Colbert
“In the aftermath, Rock declined to press charges, but this is Hollywood, and there are rules. You can’t just storm a stage, physically assault someone on camera, and then go back to your seat. There have to be consequences! Like winning the Oscar for best actor and receiving a standing ovation then partying all night.” —Stephen Colbert
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)