Of two evils, choose neither (Now I’m good at everything)

There is a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I love that name Futon World. It makes me think of a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time. --Demetri Martin

My computer beat me a chess but then I beat him at kickboxing. --Demetri Martin

I think batteries are the most traumatic objects of all the objects. Because other things they stop working or they break. The batteries? They die. “Why aren’t you using your walkman?” I can't, my batteries died in my lap this morning. The twins are gone.  --Demetri Martin

I used to compete in sports a lot but then I realized that you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. --Demetri Martin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”