They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed (Eh, it's been done)

"The St. Louis Rams made history on Saturday by drafting Michael Sam, making him the first openly gay player in the NFL. Yep, an NFL player who's never been with a woman — or as Tim Tebow put it, 'Eh, it's been done.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Two people in Arkansas were arrested for stealing $5,000 worth of Little Debbie snack cakes. They were charged with theft and I assume possession of weed. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings (Abstinence saved my marriage!)

According to a new article on Melania Trump, most evenings she

does not have dinner with President Trump. Melania said,

“Occasionally, I’ll join him during his third breakfast.” --Conan

O’Brien

"The first openly gay player has been drafted by the NFL. If you saw

it on ESPN, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This

is historic. This is the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted

by the St. Louis Rams." –Conan O'Brien

Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she is unaware of hush money payments made by President Trump to other women. Then Sanders opened an envelope full of cash and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t talk anymore.” --Conan O’Brien

It’s come out that under President Trump, abstinence-only education is making a comeback. In fact, Melania Trump said, “Abstinence saved my marriage!” --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait a minute, how can you can see me when I can't see you? (Don't Just Lay There)

President Bush addressed the crowd at the Republican Convention via satellite. The first ten minutes of Bush's speech consisted of him saying, 'Wait a minute, how can you can see me when I can't see you?'" --Conan O'Brien

 

"Bill Clinton is writing a book designed to encourage Americans to become more active in their communities. Clinton's book is called 'Don't Just Lay There.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The first openly gay player has been drafted by the NFL. If you saw it on ESPN, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic. This is the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams." –Conan O'Brien

"The Dalai Lama is in the news. The Dalai Lama is threatening to resign from his position as the spiritual leader of Tibet. When asked why, the Dalai Lama said, 'I promised myself I'd quit the moment it stopped being fun.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When the food runs out, we'll still have each other (Last week in Pakistan, he shot two holes in one)

"The St. Louis Rams made history on Saturday by drafting Michael Sam, making him the first openly gay player in the NFL. Yep, an NFL player who's never been with a woman — or as Tim Tebow put it, 'Eh, it's been done.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Barack Obama said that his Administration will not release the photographs of detainee abuse. Not because they don't want to, but because they can't get the password for Dick Cheney's camera phone." --Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama was just ranked 108th in a new list from Golf Digest of the top 150 golfers in the political world. But I hear he's improving. Last week in Pakistan, he shot two holes in one." –Jimmy Fallon

British researchers are warning that one-fifth of the world's plant species are at risk of extinction. Even worse, kale is expected to survive. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He said this was a dream he had (I'm ready to solve the puzzle, Pat)

"It's not a great day for old folks. Today, the Social Security Administration announced there will be no cost of living increase for senior citizens. Social Security is the government's most popular program. A couple of years ago, President Bush wanted to privatize Social Security and put all the money in the stock market. That would have worked out. That would be like hiring Michael Vick to look after your dog!" –Craig Ferguson

"Did you see what happened to Rush Limbaugh? He wanted to buy the St. Louis Rams and they wouldn't let him. He said this was a dream he had, to some day own black people." --Bill Maher

"They also say that during Sarah Palin’s debate with Joe Biden -- the vice presidential debate -- she got confused and at one point actually said, 'I'm ready to solve the puzzle, Pat.'" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Well, I don't know. Maybe because you would own them? Think that has anything to do with it? (So, it's even)

"And, of course, the Republicans still can't believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the Democrats can't believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. So, it's even." --Jay Leno

"Rush Limbaugh, who is trying to buy the St. Louis Rams, has downplayed racial comments that he's made in the past by saying if he was a racist, why would he want to be part of a business that is 70% African American? Well, I don't know. Maybe because you would own them? Think that has anything to do with it?" --Jay Leno

"And over the weekend, they held a big gay rights march in Washington, D.C. Tens of thousand of gay Americans of all political persuasions filled hotel rooms in D.C. Actually, it was just the Democrats in the rooms. The Republicans were still in the closet." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

You're on your own, suckers

The Rams are already adjusting to L.A. life. They're now going to call tryouts auditions and ask you to bring a head shot with you when you come. –James Corden

Now every Rams game is going to start with a two-hour red carpet. “Oh, you look great, I love the helmet. Who are you wearing?” I think it's Nike. –James Corden

President Obama gave his final State of the Union address last night. It was the president's shortest State of the Union address, clocking in at 58:49. Mine would have been however long it takes to say, "You're on your own, suckers." –Jimmy Kimmel

That was all me

Donald Trump has been endorsed by one of the country's most prominent hate groups — his ex-wives. –Conan O’Brien

Huge news for the city of Los Angeles, because after 21 years, the city is finally getting a football team. The Rams are moving back to L.A. — so finally another thing for the people of Los Angeles to pretend to care about. –James Corden

I have lived in Los Angeles for one year, and in that time Los Angeles has regained an NFL team, it started raining again after three years of drought, and they opened the city's first Dunkin' Donuts. Now look, I can't take credit for all of those, but I'm definitely taking credit for that Dunkin' Donuts. That was all me. –James Corden

You said we had a deal!

New polls found that Bernie Sanders is now ahead of Hillary Clinton among Democrats in both Iowa and New Hampshire. And even Hillary's lead in national polls is dwindling. I don't want to say Hillary is upset, but this morning she was spotted shouting into a volcano, "You said we had a deal!" –Jimmy Fallon

Bernie’s really picking up some momentum. In fact yesterday, he received an endorsement from the progressive website MoveOn.org. As opposed to, Jeb Bush, who was just endorsed by the website "No, seriously. MoveOn.org!" –Jimmy Fallon

The St. Louis Rams will be moving to L.A. and building a nearly $2 billion stadium here. Apparently the Rams intend to accomplish this by winning the Powerball. –Conan O’Brien

This is what we have been training for, people!

"What must it be like to work at a rehab facility and you see Toronto Mayor Rob Ford walk through the door? I can imagine: red lights start flashing, a siren goes off, someone yells, 'This is what we have been training for, people! Let's go!'" –Jimmy Kimmel



"The St. Louis Rams made history on Saturday by drafting Michael Sam, making him the first openly gay player in the NFL. Yep, an NFL player who's never been with a woman — or as Tim Tebow put it, 'Eh, it's been done.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"The first openly gay player has been drafted by the NFL. If you saw it on ESPN, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic. This is the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams." –Conan O'Brien