We must weather the possibility of happiness (without getting cursed out in Slovenian)

In other Trump news, the president announced that he would be cancelling Pete Hegseth’s plans to livestream a military execution by firing squad, because there are many very good and well-meaning people would rather not watch him die. The execution of Nidal Hasan, a former army major and psychiatrist who shot and killed 13 people and wounded 32 at Fort Hood in 2009, was set for 3 December. But Trump had second thoughts after realizing that the man they would be executing is in a wheelchair. I guess he realized he’d have a hard time selling ads on a live stream of a paralyzed man being executed by firing squad, and what’s the point if he can’t make a little bit of money on it, right? —Jimmy Kimmel 

I wonder if he’ll show the same kind of mercy to his new future former press secretary, Katie Zacharia whose first week on the job was less than stellar. On Thursday, the former fringe network commentator tried to set the record straight on questions about her status as an attorney, and it turns out that Katie Zacharia is an attorney in the same way George Santos was a volleyball champion. Zacharia has yet to confirm when or where she passed the bar exam; the Wall Street Journal reported that Zacharia failed the California bar exam after graduating from law school there in 2011. His press secretary is supposed to be answering questions about his lies, not hers! But the truth is, he didn’t hire her to be his lawyer. He didn’t really hire her to be his press secretary. He hired her so he could squeeze into a helicopter with her and Natalie Harp, his fellow blond assistant – and rub his cankles against a woman’s legs without getting cursed out in Slovenian. —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Then Slovenia admitted, “We really don’t have a lot going on.” (safe word)

Melania Trump’s home country, Slovenia, is said to be “very proud” of her. Then Slovenia admitted, “We really don’t have a lot going on.” –Conan O’Brien

Some analysts say a Donald Trump presidency could cripple the future of legalized marijuana. And to make matters worse, once it’s crippled, Trump will make fun of it. –Conan O’Brien

Some people are admitting that it’s weird to say “President-elect Trump.” It’s especially weird for me because “President-elect Trump” happens to be my safe word.  –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I don’t know who it is. It could be anyone (KGB)

Trump raised the money through donations from companies and wealthy individuals, including $5 million from billionaire Sheldon Adelson, $4 million from someone who just goes by initials — this is interesting: KGB. I don’t know who it is. It could be anyone. –Jimmy Kimmel

$107 million seems like a lot to spend on an inauguration, but when you go through the expenses, it makes sense. Here’s how it breaks down according to the White House: Microphone, $225. Podium, $650. $750,000 for all the limos and the security. Mini Bible to make Trump’s hands look big, $57. The helicopter to get rid of the Obamas, $257,000. $15,000 for Melania’s dress. $2,700 for her gloves. 20 million Slovenian euros for Melania herself. And they paid the piano guys with lunch, just a few dollars there. Trump’s appearance fee, $85 million for him to speak, for a total of $107 million. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

He should know what to do during the National Anthem (Easter Egg Roll)

This morning was the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. There was an appearance by that very special visitor, someone who only shows up to the White House once a year — Melania Trump. –James Corden

It was good that Melania was there. She had to remind Trump to put his hand over his heart during the National Anthem [plays clip showing Melania elbowing Trump]. Keep in mind, she’s the immigrant from Slovenia, he was born here. He should know what to do during the National Anthem. I mean, that’s what my wife does to me to get me to stop talking. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

an escape tunnel back to Slovenia (Easter bunny apologizes)

A new article says that Donald Trump has changed the definition of the word "conservative." It used to mean "traditional" and "right leaning" - now it means "batshit crazy." –Conan O’Brien

Before he was press secretary, Sean Spicer actually played the Easter bunny at the egg roll during the Bush administration. Which means this week, for the first time maybe in history, we got to see the Easter bunny apologize for comments about the Holocaust. –Jimmy Kimmel

Congratulations to the first lady, Melania Trump, who just got a nice payout from a British tabloid newspaper, The Daily Mail. According to CNN, Melania received $2.9 million in damages, which she's using to build an escape tunnel back to Slovenia. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

“President-elect Trump” happens to be my safe word (Bush as Elvis Presley)

Some people are admitting that it’s weird to say “President-elect Trump.” It’s especially weird for me because “President-elect Trump” happens to be my safe word.  –Conan O’Brien

Melania Trump’s home country, Slovenia, is said to be “very proud” of her. Then Slovenia admitted, “We really don’t have a lot going on.” –Conan O’Brien

Fishermen have found a 176-pound piece of whale vomit valued at nearly $3 million. Evidently, the whale had been watching the election returns. –Conan O’Brien