This insane story of the ventilator contract via random tweet that Trump agreed to. First of all, if someone tells you the price of anything is $69 Million, it’s a joke – 69 is pranking 101. And second, of all, nice.” —Trevor Noah
Our hungry hungry hippo-crite in chief, who spent the week saying everything is great while simultaneously blaming everyone who isn’t him for why it’s all so terrible. Trump has been complaining that his administration inherited bad tests, which makes no sense. No 1, you can’t have a test for a virus before a virus exists, and No 2, he’s in no position to be complaining about inheriting anything. If it wasn’t for inheritance, he would be the doorman outside one of the buildings his father gave him.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“But if he’s not moved by coronavirus and increasing unemployment, Trump gets heated about bad polls; he was reportedly so upset by his poll numbers vis-a-vis Joe Biden in swing states last week that he threatened to sue his campaign manager. Clearly, his campaign is running like a well-turmoiled machine. And on Wednesday, Trump dismissed the polls outright, telling Reuters: ‘I don’t believe the polls. I believe the people of this country are smart. And I don’t think they’ll put a man in who’s incompetent.’ Well … We did it last time, why wouldn’t we do it again?” —Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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