If you're named after a lizard, you have to assume birds are going to try to eat you (water and air)

Tax Day normally falls on April 15 traditionally, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Why on earth would his name be on the stimulus checks? They’re not from him. It’s not his money. Trump didn’t even put his name on the check he sent Stormy Daniels.” — Jimmy Kimmel

"At the St. Louis Zoo, Newt Gingrich got too close to one of the animals and was bit on the hand by a penguin. If you're named after a lizard, you have to assume birds are going to try to eat you." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Pontius Pilate lizard (C***** Aplenty)

March 2023

As this year’s award season gets underway, there’s a growing movement to get rid of the genders categories of best actor and best actress, and instead call them best actor and best actor who got paid less. —Colin Jost

Biologists in Florida are warning that the Jesus Christ lizard, named for its ability to run on water, could spread harmful diseases to humans. They hope to control the population by introducing a Pontius Pilate lizard. —Colin Jost

It was reported that the James Bond books are being rewritten to eliminate offensive material. So now the character Pussy Galore will now be called Cooter Aplenty. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And then Melania Trump was like, “Yeah, I can.” (lizards)

An Australian family managed to save the life of a lizard they found at the bottom of their pool by performing CPR on it. Can you imagine putting your lips on a lizard? And then Melania Trump was like, “Yeah, I can.” –James Corden

I consider myself a confident guy. But I have never ever, not even after six drinks, thought to myself, “I could probably give CPR to a lizard.” That family revived the lizard by performing CPR for 30 minutes. I give up looking for the TV remote after 25 seconds. –James Corden

In a recent Reuters interview, President Trump reflected on his first 100 days in office saying, “I thought it would be easier.” What made you think it was going to be easy? This is what it did to a SMART person [shows 2008 and 2018 photos of Obama]. By the time you’re out of office, you’re going to look like the Toxic Avenger. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats