"A total of 71 lawmakers in the new Congress are freshmen.
Their parents helped them move in over the weekend." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Congrats to former President George H.W. Bush and his
wife Barbara, who celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary yesterday, and it's
actually the longest presidential marriage since John Adams. Or as Barbara
calls Adams, 'my first love.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Some areas near Dallas experienced a 3.5-magnitude
earthquake, which some blame on fracking. However, scientists say that it was
more likely aftershocks from Chris Christie celebrating at the Cowboys
game." –Jimmy Fallon
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