President Trump spike at the National Prayer Breakfast and held up a newspaper with the headline about his acquittal. I assume to prove that prayers don’t work. —Colin Jost
Researchers say they’ve developed a new way to stitch wounds together using a new type of yarn made from human skin. They also say, where they got the yarn made from human skin isn’t important. —Colin Jost
In his speech Trump also railed against public schools calling them failing government schools. Okay, but Trump went to a private school and he doesn’t even know where Kansas City is. After the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, Trump mistakenly tweeted congratulations to the state of Kansas, despite the fact that the Chiefs are from Kansas City, Missouri. Incidentally, Kansas has the only Manhattan where Trump is still welcome. —Colin Jost
President Trump was acquitted in a senate trial this week. And democrats are calling it a cover-up. Does Trump look like a guy who could pull off a cover-up? —Colin Jost
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

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