“Now, concerns of a global pandemic are growing, but fear not: The president knows he has a solemn duty to protect himself, because the Trump campaign is afraid that the coronavirus will hurt his re-election bid. I look forward to that transcript being released. [As Trump:] ‘Hello, Ukraine? I need information on a ‘Hunter Coronavirus.’” —Stephen Colbert
“I saw that there’s a chance Diet Coke production could be interrupted. One man heard that and was like, [imitating Trump] ‘O.K., now we have a problem.’” —Jimmy Fallon
“Why is Mike Pence in charge? What is his plan to stop the virus, abstinence? I think Trump might be trying to kill him, I really do.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Everybody was fighting to get a word in. For a lot of these candidates, it’s desperation time. This was their last shot. They were waving their hands in the air like they just don’t Medicare.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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