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Tuesday, February 25, 2020

dammit, so I flushed the toilet for nothing?! (his skin looks like tikka masala)


“Meanwhile, Trump kicked off his first state visit to India on Monday with a stop at Mahatma Gandhi’s home, where he spun a replica of the wheel Gandhi used to make his own clothes. That’s lovely – now he knows what it’s like to work in one of Ivanka’s factories.” —Stephen Colbert

“On Trump’s first day in India, he received a hero’s welcome. Trump is very popular in India. Some like him because of his anti-Muslim rhetoric, some like him because of his business savvy, and all of them like him because his skin looks like tikka masala.” —Trevor Noah

“India pulled out all the stops for Trump’s visit. They built new roads, drained sewers and constructed a slum-masking wall in anticipation of Trump’s visit. You know Trump’s gonna love their new wall. He’s like, ‘see, they built a wall, and I haven’t seen a single Mexican. It works, folks.’ The preparations may seem extreme, but this is basically what guys do whenever a girl says she’s coming over. You make your bed, pick up your clothes, hide all your junk in the closet, then she calls and says she can’t make it and you’re like, ‘dammit, so I flushed the toilet for nothing?!’” —Trevor Noah

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”



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