I call it my daily doobie (the meth lab in the bathroom)

Donald Trump loves Christmas. It's the one time of year where he can say, "Those are real, those are fake," and claim he was talking about Christmas trees. –Jimmy Fallon

Trump confirmed yesterday that he met with Mexican businessman Carlos slim recently. And I guess it went well, 'cause he later tweeted in all caps, "HE IS A GREAT GUY." Even in print, Trump's way of communicating with foreigners is just speaking English louder. –Jimmy Fallon

Walmart will close two hours earlier this year on Christmas Eve, at 6:00. Yeah, but the meth lab in the bathroom will stay open until 9:00. –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that marijuana use among people over 65 has gone up 250 percent in recent years. One woman said, "I like to smoke up before watching 'Jeopardy!' I call it my daily doobie." –Jimmy Fallon