"Dictator Kim Jong Un is back. He'd been missing. No one
knew where he was. No one had seen him for a long time. It was like he was
hosting a talk show at 12:30 on CBS." –Craig Ferguson
"During
an interview, Senator John McCain declared that the U.S. isn't winning the war
against ISIS. Even ISIS said, 'Well, not with THAT attitude.'" –Jimmy
Fallon
"A new poll shows that only a slim majority of Americans
think the country is prepared for an Ebola outbreak. But I think we deal with
outbreaks pretty well. It only took us a couple of months to completely
eradicate Gangnam Style." –Seth Meyers
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